Best known for her role as a spokesperson for Focus on the Family and her work with their Boundless publications and podcasts for young adults, Lisa Anderson is accustomed to taking on a variety of challenging assignments with deadlines and late nights.
However, when she took on the unexpected role of being a caregiver for her mom, Dorothy, battling dementia in the last three years of her life, Anderson admits it was the hardest — yet most rewarding — role of her life.
Walking through this emotional journey, Anderson never anticipated how the Lord was writing a story of hope and inspiration amid some very dark days.
Today, as Anderson reflects on her role as a caregiver, she clearly sees how the Lord’s faithfulness and His grace was on display — allowing her to spend quality time with her mom and reminding her about the sanctity of life.
Have conversations early
With June being Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, Anderson shares her own experiences with others and offers insightful tips, practical resources, encouragement and support to those stepping into the role of caregivers for loved ones — as more than 55 million people worldwide suffer from Alzheimer’s, which is reportedly the sixth leading cause of death in the United States.
“It’s so important for families to have conversations early on before something happens and be sure to state wishes such as financial and medical power of attorney,” Anderson explained. “Those conversations will set you up for success instead of scrambling when an emergency happens. Talk with your siblings about how they can help with paperwork in advance, that way no one’s emotions are coming into play.”
Most importantly, Anderson emphasizes and encourages that caregivers should not attempt this journey alone physically or spiritually.
“Think through practically what needs to be done, and make sure the spiritual side is prayed up because this journey will test your patience but provide spiritual fruit in the long run,” Anderson noted. “God is faithful even in long suffering. This role of being a caregiver is one-directional, but remember, it is only a season.
“I learned that every city has some sort of center for the aging, a local resource program that provides training, respite and a kindred spirit and a network of people available to assist.”
Time — ‘a precious gift from God’
For those who are walking through similar journeys or are considering taking on this role for aging parents, Anderson reminds them that time is a precious gift from God and not to be taken for granted.
“I came about caregiving when I was single and working full-time,” Anderson explained. “I was praying about moving in with my mom and what that would look like. I was sharing with my Bible study group, and a friend offered to help. She quit her job and became Mom’s daytime caregiver, and I took on the night shift. We were like the Christian Golden Girls — two single women living with my mom who was a widow.
“The caregiving role was much harder than I thought it would be, and I learned that you really have to walk it out and experience trial and error. It was such a role reversal of the parental role for me, but the journey of caring for my mom and drawing near the Lord during this time was a huge spiritual boost for me. As I adjusted to my mom’s schedule, it was such a gift to lean into the Psalms looking at God as a source of comfort and provider and relatable when David was pouring out complaints to Him. It was a blessing and a gift to know the only person who only truly understood what I was going through was Jesus and made me completely rely on Him for strength.”
Valuable insights
For those wanting to offer support for caregivers, Anderson also offers practical tips and advice.
“Some of the most valuable ways that people provided support was offering to provide a night out,” she said. “At first, they thought they would need to be trained medically in how to provide care, but I told them that if they could just sit with my mom, talk with her and smile at her, it would provide a safe space for her. That was one of the biggest helps. Also, when someone would unexpectedly provide a gift card or dinner, that was such a blessing. Another time people offered to clean the house, no questions asked, just offering their services — that was an incredible way to help.”
Anderson notes that Focus on the Family offers resources on caring for aging loved ones that are gospel-centered. She also gained valuable insights from reading “The 36-Hour Day” from Johns Hopkins University, which Anderson notes “is a secular book but provides an honest and attainable look to help people understand brain damage.”
“You can’t expect people to process emotions appropriately, and it really helped me to realize what was happening with my mom,” she said.
Anderson said another book that was helpful in explaining the importance of caregiving was “The Value of Wrinkles” by Isabel Tom.
“It’s a great lesson on American culture casting away elders and a reminder not to think so quickly about dismissing them and choosing how we provide care for them,” Anderson noted. “That is something we need to work on reclaiming in Western culture and reconsider in choosing care facilities for loved ones.”
Despite the hardships and difficult days, Anderson says she has no regrets about the decision to be a caregiver for her mom in the final season of her life.
“The journey was about trusting God and realizing the value of our days and the value of life,” Anderson said. “It is a pro-life directive from the cradle to the grave. I am reminded that my mom added value to life because she was a daughter of the King. By providing care for our loved ones as they walk through the end stage of life, we are honoring God by caring for elders.
“It was a sacrificial season that brought me closer to the Lord than ever before. I remember thinking, ‘Lord, how long will this be — six months?’ But it was three years. I have no regrets about giving back to my mom for the many ways that she provided care for me growing up, and I had the privilege of walking her home to be with the Lord for eternity.”
Share with others: