Humorist Harrison Scott Key was at Samford University in Birmingham earlier this year to speak about his recently released book, “How to Stay Married: The Most Insane Love Story Ever Told.” Though there were a lot of laughs that night, the subject of his book isn’t funny.
“How to Stay Married” is about his wife Lauren’s affair and their separation, reunion, separation and almost divorce. Concurrent with Key’s battle to stay married was a war about his faith and what he believes.
Even though both are very serious topics, the humorist in him shines through the pages, making it an honest but still funny account of the worst time in his life. In fact, he starts the book comically with this dedication: “For my biological son, Gary, who cannot read this, because he is a dog.”
Getting to the truth
“How to Stay Married” is far from a self-help book. He’s not trying to tell others literally how to stay married. But he is telling the truth in a world full of marketing, commercials, advertisements — lies created solely for profit.
“I do believe literature can help people in a million different ways. As a cautionary tale, it makes you more human,” Key said.
“Real art, including literature, comes from a place of wanting to tell the truth — maybe about a color, maybe about a person, maybe about some strange part of the world, but there’s some urge to say, ‘I cannot believe this happened. I cannot believe this thing. Look at what happened. Look at what I found. Look at who I’m not.’
“Those are all reasons to write a great book. Those are all the reasons you need,” Key said.
There are a multitude of books about husbands having affairs. Key wanted to show an account of a wife having the affair, not the husband. Plus, his story is different because his marriage didn’t end.
Another part of Key’s journey was his stint as a single parent. At the time his wife moved out of the house, his three daughters were third through eighth graders.
Nothing he did was right.
He couldn’t find their school uniforms. He packed their lunches with foods that were “repulsive.” He dared to leave the crusts on their sandwiches.
During this time, Key heard all kinds of advice. Some said to kick her out; some said to work it out. He ended up going with what he felt in his heart was right for his situation, that “mercy might be the better way.”
“Love is never a bad call,” Key writes in “How to Stay Married.” “It might seem impossible. It might even seem silly when every atom in your body screams for blood. But how else, other than love, can a broken thing be made whole again?
“The Book of Ezekiel says God likes to work on broken things, to build up the ruined places and plant the desolate land.”
Healing
Key admits throughout the book that he and Lauren are both broken. Healing came from a number of sources: God, being willing to go to therapy (a lot), community with those willing to be real, being willing to divorce, being willing to stay together and others.
Specifically for Key, healing also came through writing.
Before his world blew up, Key had already been working on a book about religion, faith and a “little bit” about marriage. So when his marriage was “blown to smithereens,” he kept writing.
“I needed something to focus on while I was trying to pick up the pieces of my family and figure out where we go next,” he said.
His therapist encouraged him to write about what was happening as a way to process his emotions, so Key wrote letters to his wife. He journaled. He continued writing his book about religion, faith and marriage.
“Fast-forward a few months. My wife and I reconciled. She moved home. We’re in therapy, and I’ve got like half of this other book that I can now no longer write because this thing that’s happening in my life right now is so big. Why would you write about a firecracker when an atom bomb is going off to your right?”
He talked to his wife about it and at first, she was adamant that she didn’t want it to be published.
Key wrote it anyway, hoping she would change her mind.
He needed to write it. Most authors write what they have learned after the fact. Key didn’t know what he had learned until he wrote it out.
At its completion, he showed it to Lauren. She was still nervous about it, but she saw that he hadn’t made her a villain but instead simply another broken child of God who needed healing. She agreed to its publication and even contributed a chapter.
“How to Stay Married” does have language, frank discussions of physical intimacy — and lack of it — and an honest, raw, no-holds-barred account of Key living through this nightmare while also working out his faith. But in all this, his story resonates with many who have had similar struggles.
“Writing this book has helped me not feel alone. I would be happy to know that this book helped other people not feel alone.”
To learn more about Key go to www.harrisonscottkey.com.
Share with others: