I was reminded recently, at Kathy Whigham’s funeral, of something her husband, Wilton, told me many years ago.
For a lot of people at Shocco Springs Conference Center, Kathy and Wilton Whigham were much more than volunteers; they were part of the Shocco family.
The Whighams were longtime members of Alabama Campers on Mission, a group of people who have quietly invested thousands upon thousands of hours helping churches, camps and ministries across Alabama and beyond. Wilton spent more than 20 years serving with the group after his retirement. He coordinated more than 100 projects and served as president of the organization.
Campers on Mission teams have been coming to Shocco for decades, and their annual work projects here became a staple of the organization’s ministry. Wilton and Kathy embodied what that ministry was all about, and in 2015, Wilton and Kathy were honored together with the Campers on Mission Lifetime Achievement Award.
Served in variety of ways
Their work took them to churches, camps, disaster areas and communities where somebody simply needed help. And if you knew Wilton, you can probably picture him right now: Liberty overalls, pencil and pad in the front pocket. That was pretty much the uniform. Those overalls became part of the image of Wilton at Shocco — walking through a project, looking at what needed to be done, quietly solving problems, and usually knowing more about how to fix something than the rest of us in the room.
Kathy found her own unique ways to serve. Among them was a puppet ministry she used to minister to children and to senior adults in nursing homes and assisted-living facilities.
The Wiltons were the type of people who could see something that needed doing and they took care of it. They saw someone who needed serving and served them. And over the years, they left fingerprints all over Shocco — not simply on buildings and renovation projects, but on people. That is probably why one particular memory of Wilton has stayed with me.
Impactful memory
Years ago, Buster Taylor (previous Shocco executive director) and I were “discussing” some plans for a renovation at Shocco. And by “discussing,” I mean I was pretty convinced I was right (in the conversation where another option was on the table).
Wilton happened to be standing nearby. He knew the project well because he and I had worked together on the plan. So, naturally, I was defending what we had developed. I got a little bent out of shape. Then I kept pressing. And pressing. Honestly, I pressed the point way more than needed.
Wilton never jumped into the argument. He just quietly stood there in those Liberty overalls and watched. When the conversation was over, Wilton and I started walking away together. And in the kind of wisdom perhaps only a retired rocket scientist who had spent a lifetime solving difficult problems could offer, he quietly said: “Russ, being right doesn’t require proving the other person wrong.”
That one stuck. Maybe because I knew he was right. Maybe because he had just watched me demonstrate exactly why I needed to hear it. But I also think it stuck because of the man who said it. Wilton had lived enough life to know that being right and having to win are two very different things.
‘So far as it depends on you’
I thought about his words again recently when I read Romans 12:18: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
I have always loved the way Paul phrases that: “So far as it depends on you.” Paul understands that we cannot control how every conversation ends. We cannot control how another person sees a situation. We cannot control what they believe happened. We cannot control whether they ever completely understand our point of view. But we can control how we respond.
Romans 12 does not tell us to ignore truth. It does not tell us to avoid difficult conversations or pretend disagreement does not exist. Sometimes truth needs to be spoken clearly. Sometimes something needs to be corrected. Sometimes we need to stand our ground.
But there is a difference between speaking the truth and needing to win. And if I am not careful, I can become so concerned with proving that I am right that I miss the much greater opportunity to reflect Christ.
‘Overcome evil with good’
A few verses later Paul writes, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
That is a pretty high standard. Sometimes obedience looks like choosing grace when we could press the point. Sometimes it looks like choosing peace when we could demand the last word. Sometimes it means recognizing that we have explained ourselves clearly enough and nothing good is going to come from explaining it one more time.
There is something in us that desperately wants that last word. “But they still don’t understand.” “That isn’t what happened.” “If I could just make one more point … .” But I have learned that “one more point” is often where peace goes to die.
You can tell the truth. You can stand by what is right. You can make the difficult decision. And then, when you have done what depends on you, you can let it go. You can even walk away knowing you may still be right without needing the other person to admit that you are right. Being right doesn’t require proving the other person wrong.
Modeled so much for so many
The older I get, the more grateful I am for people like Kathy and Wilton Whigham. They taught us a lot by the things they built, repaired and renovated. They taught us about missions by loading up a camper and going wherever there was work to be done. They demonstrated that retirement did not mean retiring from Kingdom work.
But some of the greatest things they gave us were probably never written in a project report. They were found in years of faithful service, in friendships, in an example quietly lived, and every once in a while, in a sentence spoken while walking away from an argument.
Wilton has been gone for several years now, and we recently said goodbye to Kathy. But their investment continues. There are buildings still standing because they served. There are ministries still stronger because they served. There are people who encountered the love of Christ because they served.
And there is at least one slightly hardheaded executive director who can still picture a retired rocket scientist in Liberty overalls, pencil and pad in the front pocket, walking beside him and saying, “Russ, being right doesn’t require proving the other person wrong.”
I am still trying to learn it, Mr. Wilton. “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all” (Rom. 12:18).
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