Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is commonly associated with military experiences. However, another group that often deals with PTSD is first responders. While many can push through the traumatic events that cause PTSD, a great number deal with fear, stress and disruptive symptoms for a very long time — with some never getting past it.
During a “GY6” workshop held in February that addressed healing for PTSD and related issues, one man shared a unique way that God has gotten him through the years after a head-on crash ended his law enforcement career. The resulting PTSD and ongoing physical issues from the crash led him to songwriting.
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Allen Morgan, also known as “Iron City Allen,” shared his original song “Bandaids Full of Memories,” which was written about the struggle of dealing with past trauma from his law enforcement career. With lyrics such as “I learned how to shrug it off and say I’m fine/ Stand on ten toes and toe the line,” “I swallowed things I should’ve let go” and “I ain’t healed; I just try not to bleed,” Morgan’s words resonate with those who have dealt with or are still dealing with this kind of pain.
Difficult past
From a young age, Morgan wanted to be in law enforcement. He attributes this desire to being sexually abused by multiple people as a young child and wanting to deal with “the bad people in the world.” He was also influenced by his grandfather, who was a police officer.
Looking back, Morgan can now see how all he’s been through led him to God — and now is leading others to God through him.
“I started realizing God put me in the different places in my life for the reasons that I needed to be there. Even though law enforcement got cut short, I knew He had kind of forged me through all the rough things I’ve been through in life to be able to come out on this end and once I had an understanding of His Word, be able to express that to people and to be an example of, ‘Hey, look! No matter how bad it got, I understand,’” Morgan said.
He began to live out his dream at 14 years old when he joined the Hoover Police Department Explorer program, later moving to Homewood’s Explorer program until he could join the reserves.
After only a few months, Morgan was offered a job with the Homewood Police Department. They sent him to the toughest police academy to train, being 19 weeks long versus the typical 12 and having about a 60% quit/fail rate. Almost half the class quit before the first day was over.
He not only completed the program, but he graduated third in his class.
Morgan’s distinguished career included patrol over all three shifts, working on a motorcycle and later in the K-9 program and becoming a crime scene investigator. He was quickly promoted to running the lab and handled major cases, even cold ones. He was on call 24/7.
Eventually, Morgan began missing the action and returned to the motor unit. This was when he was hit head-on at a combined speed of 60 mph.
Spiraling
Though not immediately disabled, the many resulting surgeries led to an early retirement.
“My house became sort of like a prison for me. (I) just felt trapped because I was struggling with just all the different things and injuries and the chronic pain and surgeries and whatnot. So I started kind of spiraling out there for a while just from the chronic levels of pain I was in and I guess the way things went,” Morgan said.
He was diagnosed with PTSD in 2015.
New passion
However, this abrupt ending of his career — the job he had dreamed of his whole life — led to both a new passion and becoming a Christian. This new passion was songwriting.
After being told that he was an amazing storyteller, he saw how God had prepared him.
“I told him, I guess it’s from telling other people’s stories over all those years. With police reports you listen to two sides of the story, and you have to write it all down and create the image for all the people involved,” he said.
John W. Stritenberger connected him with the musicians and singers needed to get his stories out to the world.
After having moderate success, he wrote “Bandaids Full of Memories” on the back of a napkin in a Waffle House. He now sees how God’s hand leads him to those with whom he can share his story — and the gospel.
Keep going
He still deals with chronic pain and physical issues. There have been times he wanted to quit, although he knew that would be selfish.
“I can’t do that to all these people that believe in me enough to get behind me and try to help me through this and put everything they’ve got into keeping me going,” he said.
“I figured that if God could go through giving His only Son like He did and what He had to go through for us to be forgiven of our sins, that I can do it.”
He added, “So I need to kind of get back in that mentality of who I was at the academy that stuck through it when half the class left at lunch the first day — to just do this and have the faith to know that God’s got me no matter how many times I fall. He’s going to reach down and take me up as long as I’m meeting Him halfway.”
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