Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names. …” As it turns out, names cannot only hurt you, they could be the reason for the rage driving teenagers to kill, according to a study conducted by the U.S. Secret Service.
Over the last year, the Secret Service conducted a study of school violence, including interviews with those responsible for school shootings. The results are chilling.
At first it appeared the teens had little in common. Many had friends and even happy family lives. They did not all fit a profile of loners or high-risk kids. They lived in larger cities and rural areas. Some had easy access to guns; others had to work hard to obtain weapons.
What they did have in common was a sense of rage growing out of incidents of bullying and name-calling. For some, the incidents were ongoing and so outrageous they appealed for help from adults. Sometimes they received support or relief, other times they were told to “suck it up.”
But these were kids who apparently couldn’t cope with the harassment. They were driven to get even, to show their taunters they were not powerless victims. The theme is a daydream we have all indulged in one way or another. “I’ll show him,” we tell ourselves after a co-worker insults us or a contemporary leaves us in the dust. Studies show that it is often the motivation behind road rage.
Most of us don’t actually turn to revenge. But we understand the desire. And that’s why this study is so important. It reveals not an errant gene or a dysfunctional scenario, but a very common, understandable impulse.
What do we do with the information? As a parent, it makes me aware that I must always teach my children about the dangers of power. Being in a position to taunt means one has power to use over another.
Any child, especially any teenager, who has athletic prowess or popularity is in a position to use it for good or evil. Excluding others often boasts one’s own status.
But most children find themselves on the other end of things from time to time. Some seem able to shrug it off; others cannot. Parents must listen carefully for signs of ongoing harassment and offer a child support and even a change of scene if necessary.
We must also be careful of the signals we send to our children. If we cheer on the revenge seeker in movies or talk at the dinner table about getting even, we tell our children such behavior is acceptable and perhaps even expected.
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