OT command to ‘honor your parents’ has no requirements
Relationships with our parents are foundational relationships of human life. We are formed and shaped by our mothers and fathers, for better or for worse.
This is why this relationship is addressed right in the middle of the Ten Commandments.
As the Israelites moved into the promised land, God gave His people 10 laws that would define their relationships with Him and each other. The fifth commandment says, “Honor your father and your mother so that you may have a long life in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Ex. 20:12).
As others have noticed, this is the first commandment with a promise attached, but notice something else. The commandment is directed to the children, not the parents.
I would have thought the commandment would be directed to the parents, something like, “Raise up [a] good kid,” or “Take your children to church.” It’s not. It’s directed to the children who are commanded to “honor” their parents. The parents don’t even have to be worth honoring — there’s no descriptive clause here — for the children to be required to honor them.
This verse is never qualified or watered down. It says what it means, and it means what it says. What it says is there is something about people who love God that is shown by the way they honor their parents.
As in many other aspects of our lives, our actions are never dictated by others, but only by our obedience to Christ.
So, what does that mean? How do you honor a parent who isn’t worthy of the honor?
First, we’re grateful to them for giving us life. The circumstances of our birth may not have been idyllic, and our home life may never have been a Norman Rockwell painting, but for better or worse, you’re here, and you’re here because of them. If for nothing else, we’re grateful to them and honor them for bringing us into the world.
Second, we forgive them. Most of the time, our mothers and fathers were doing the best they could. If they failed, they didn’t intend to fail. They made bad decisions without ever understanding the consequences of their decisions. Other times, mothers and fathers were mean and evil. Either way, forgiveness is something we offer to them, not something they ask for from us.
Forgiveness, simply put, is releasing the other person from the expectation they can fix what they did.
If your parents hurt you, they could apologize a thousand times, and it wouldn’t heal the pain in your life. Only Christ can bring that kind of healing. No one else can do it. When we stop waiting for other people to “fix” what they’ve done, we are free to find another way to move on.
Third, if we can’t help, we don’t hurt. Again, our behavior is always in response to the grace of Christ in our life.
Just because your mother or father hurt you doesn’t give you the right to hurt them. If it’s best for you not to have a relationship with your parents, fine, but don’t go out of your way to “make them pay” or “give them what they deserve.”
Judging others isn’t in our job description. We don’t help anyone, including ourselves, when we only try to make things worse.
Next, ask yourself, what would you do for a stranger? If you didn’t know your mother or father at all, but they were simply someone who was going through a hard time, what would you do? Would you call them? Would you send a card? Would you visit? How would you act if you had no relationship with them at all?
In reality, this is where you are. The old is gone, buried with Christ. The new is possible in the resurrection of Jesus.
You’re not going to rebuild the old relationship. That’s over. If there is to be a relationship at all, it will be something new Jesus does in the power of His resurrection.
The greatest journeys all start with one step. Don’t be afraid to take small steps in this new relationship. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and it wasn’t torn down in a day either. It won’t be rebuilt in a day either. Mercy takes its own time.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Excerpted with permission from “Coffee with Mom” by Mike Glenn. Copyright 2019, B&H Publishing Group.
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Lottie Moon’s Legacy
Seventeen years ago, I took my first journey to China. I was overwhelmed as we visited churches, spoke with pastors and fellowshipped with believers who were very much aware their churches had resulted from the work of Lottie Moon and her co-workers.
As we walked through her home, I felt assured it looked much like it did during her life. It was a very simple home — dim lighting, brick stove. In her bedroom was her kang bed.
I envisioned Lottie Moon sitting upon her bed, penning one of the hundreds of letters she wrote imploring women to give and pray so the people of China might know her Savior.
Only God knew what He would do with the passionate words of a tiny woman who had given of herself to take the gospel to a people who had not yet heard.
Although many years have passed, Lottie Moon’s message is still the same. I pray that as you walk through this season of celebration you will give generously to the Lottie Moon Christmas Offering and pray passionately for our missions force and those they serve.
Much has changed since the days of Lottie Moon but her voice echoes still. To God alone be all glory!
—Candace McIntosh
EDITOR’S NOTE — Candace McIntosh is executive director of Alabama Woman’s Missionary Union (WMU).
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Letters to the Editor
I was browsing TAB recently and noticed an article lauding Disney’s new Disney Plus streaming service. I believe Christians’ support for Disney needs to be re-evaluated as Disney is increasingly promoting values that are anti-biblical.
Disney is an enormous media entity with a great deal of influence in our culture. For Christians to promote Disney, considering their current messaging, so nonchalantly undermines our responsibility to raise disciples of Christ, not kids who tolerate and rationalize worldly and sinful values.
Todd Johnson
Daphne, Ala.
I just reviewed (again) Fruitful, the magazine TAB developed for the 2019 Alabama Baptist State Convention in Daphne. I cannot say enough about how wonderful it is. It is professional, thoughtful, helpful, cheerful, informative, encouraging, inspirational, guiding and spiritual.
This is a “home run” publication for The Alabama Baptist! I am so impressed with this work and wanted you to know how much I appreciate it and your work in promoting our convention, Pastors Conference, associations, ministries and partners. Keep shining the light!
Pastor Richard L. Richie
Blue Springs Baptist Church, Somerville, Ala.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Read Fruitful magazine at tabonline.org/fruitful.
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God doesn’t want you to go through another year without His peace.
Rick Warren
Pastor, author
Jesus came as a baby in a feeding trough to transform our awkward and misplaced lives. In His power and grace He circles around us, decorating our lives from the inside out with His light and beauty. His work is not mere tinsel and greenery, but the deep beauty of His own presence shining through us. Because of Him our bare and intrusive lives can invite people to life and joy.
As you enjoy the beautiful Christmas decorations that transform your home and church, don’t forget to give thanks to Him for redoing you!
Bob Adams
Retired pastor
The more believers who step in to foster and adopt, the more likely we will have children who have a safety net around them so they don’t run after they’ve been in a vulnerable environment.
Todd Chipman
Author, “Until Every Child Is Home”
Who can add to Christmas? The perfect motive is that God so loved the world. The perfect gift is that He gave His only Son. The only requirement is to believe in Him. The reward of faith is that you shall have everlasting life.
Corrie Ten Boom
We should all be grateful for the many ways in which we can offer and receive encouragement in our day. It can mean so much to receive a kind text message, a phone call or especially a hand-written note of encouragement from a friend when we most seem to need it. … But there is something extraordinarily powerful when encouragement comes in person. When’s the last time you went out of your way to seek someone out to offer them a word of encouragement in person?
Matthew Hall
Provost, Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, Louisville, Ky.
Someone, somewhere, is depending on you to do what God has called you to do. Never underestimate your ability to make someone else’s life better.
A.J. Benefield
Ranburne, Ala.
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From the Twitterverse
@PastorGregC
“No man ever served God by doing things tomorrow. If we honor Christ and are blessed, it is by the things which we do today.” — Charles Spurgeon
@sendrelief
Children in #FosterCare need our help and support. Buying them Christmas presents is a simple way to share the true meaning of Christmas this holiday season.
@jamesaross
A person who wishes to remain anonymous gives me a $100 gift card to give to a foster/adoptive family every month and I get to pick someone and hand it out. The recipient expresses their appreciation to me but I’m just the one who hands it to them. This sums up pastoral ministry.
@1MissionStudent
As followers of Christ, we have all been given gifts specifically to serve others. It’s the calling on our lives. Don’t wait for summer to use your gifts. Serve others now!
@myutmost
If your faith is in experiences, anything that happens is likely to upset that faith. But nothing can ever change God or the reality of redemption. Base your faith on that.
@haines_matt
Had a great time talking to one of my deacons tonight who excitedly told me how he had a gospel conversation with his “one,” which is actually a couple he’s been praying for a few years. He thinks they are close. #WhosYourOne @NAMB_SBC
@NOBTS
“Our courage in the world is proportional to our commitment to the Word.” — @newsomblake
@KevinBumgarner1
“The highest form of worship is obedience.” — evangelist Kelly Green
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