Web sites cater to Christian singles

Don’t think all Internet dating sites are cyber versions of singles bars. Or a place for liars, losers and worse.
   
“The first thing people used to think of when you said ‘Internet dating’ was hatchet murderer,” says Marilyn Warren, media representative for the eharmony.com dating site.
   
Things have changed. Some sites — including the 475,000-member eharmony.com — have got religion.
   
And the customers? Her favorite book of the Bible is 1 Corinthians. He’s looking for someone with the same spiritual values — or even the same religion. On some sites, singles don’t exchange photos until they feel they’ve established a spiritual bond.
   
Along with favorite foods and hobbies, Christian singles reveal information such as “Favorite book of the Bible,” “Level of church activity” and “When I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior.”
   
Jewish sites tell how often singles attend a synagogue or post responses to essay questions like “What does being Jewish mean to you?” and “What’s your favorite Scripture passage?”
   
About 22 percent of single adults are looking for a partner online and about 53 percent of those are looking for a serious relationship or marriage, according to an American Demographics study. That matches what Lehigh University social psychology professor Robert Rosenwein says is a rising trend.
   
“It used to be that people went to these sites looking for a date, but now some people are going there to look for a deeper relationship,” he says.
   
Many singles are looking for a partner with similar spiritual values.
   
That’s good, say some clergy.
   
“One of the things that I kept doing was falling into relationships, and then it hit me one day that the best way to find a person is to know what I was looking for, so I literally made a list of qualities I was looking for,” says Joicy Becker-Richards of the Second Presbyterian Church in Oxford Township, Pa. “Then when I looked at the list of qualities like integrity and trust, I realized they described values we hold special as Christians.”
   
Spiritual matches also can avoid some practical problems — such as deciding what religion, if any, to bring up children in.
   
So how do you find someone who is like-minded spiritually? That’s where those Internet sites come in.
   
They remove a problem some singles face: a small pool of potential local partners. The small circle of people in a church, synagogue, workplace or neighborhood may not offer many choices. The Internet expands that circle.
   
Even the Internet’s popular matchmaker.com is absorbing the spiritual singles trend. The company offers separate sites for Christians (christian.matchmaker.com), Catholics (catholic.matchmaker.com), Mormons (lds.matchmaker.com) and Jews (jewish.matchmaker.com).
   
“For a lot of people, religion is a deal breaker,” says Matchmaker spokeswoman Stacy Finkeo.
   
At the many Christian dating sites, the intensity of religious connection varies. Some sites are evangelical with prayer groups and biblical commentary. Other Christian Web sites promise “no rhetoric” and instruct singles to head straight for dating partners.
   
Probably the most serious-minded of the religious-based Internet sites is eharmony.com. Started by Focus on the Family-approved author Neil Clark Warren, it has a complex questionnaire singles must fill out that usually takes an hour or two.
   
Site operators then screen the applicants and turn people away if they feel the singles aren’t ready for a commitment to marriage. They insist on five communications before singles exchange photos.
   
The site lists 29 elements essential to a relationship and insists singles compile lists of “must haves” and “can’t stands.” The ultimate goal is to find a lifelong match.
   
“There was an assessment that said devout Christians were getting as many divorces as everyone else,” Marilyn Warren says. “Maybe something the church has done is encourage people to get married too quickly or too young. Some Christians may think God is sending someone to them when they see someone and their heart goes pitter-patter. But that doesn’t mean they should get married.”
   
Not every religious single subscribes to Internet dating. Gus Rosario, president of the Christian Singles Network at the First Baptist Church in Bethlehem, Pa., says he prefers looking for love offline. He’d rather look locally and spend time with the church’s 300-member singles group, which frequently gathers for activities.
   
But whether looking offline or online, he says it’s worth taking the time to find someone with similar spiritual values.
   
“It’s No. 1 for me,” he says. “If we don’t have a very similar understanding and similar level of spirituality, there’s going to be conflict.” (RNS)