Holidays often difficult for those dealing with grief

For most people, the lights, music and flurry of activities that go with the holiday season produce a sense of merriment.
   
Those dealing with the loss of a loved one, however, often view the excitement of the holidays differently.
   
“People who are struck with grief see all around them, people with increased expectations of happiness,” said Gary Porier, executive director of the Huntsville-Madison County Mental Health Center and member of First Baptist Church, Huntsville. “The contrast accentuates the lack of happiness in their lives.”
   
Seeing others who are actually happy, as well as the expectation of happiness, can be difficult, said Suzanne Bergman Wright, a volunteer with Community Grief Services in Homewood.
   
“Everybody’s happy, everybody’s with family and you feel dreadfully sad because you’ve lost someone close to you,” she said.
   
Wright said individuals who have lost a loved one should establish new holiday traditions, such as spending the holidays with different people or traveling to a different location for the holidays like the beach or a ski resort.
   
“One of the things we suggest is not to celebrate holidays the same way they always have, because they won’t be the same,” she said.
   
Friends also can help the grieving person by inviting him or her to an activity or event, Wright said. Letting them know they haven’t been forgotten and showing them affection is important, she noted.
   
Wright also suggested sharing favorite memories and reviewing photographs of past holidays is helpful. “They need to acknowledge that person was a part of their life,” she said. Porier agreed that it is important for the grieving person to share his or her feelings with friends and family.
   
“While grieving is personal, to share it with just one other person is very therapeutic,” he said. “It helps the individual to understand that they are not alone.”
   
Porier said seeking professional help is always a solution when someone is struggling with grief, whether during the holidays or any other time.