With joy in his voice, Derek Boyd talked about picking up his sons from school and hearing about their day.
It is one of the highlights of his day.
He went on to speak of living an “Esther moment” in his ministry — serving as moderator during the time when Tennessee River Baptist Association had no director of missions.
Full of thoughtful reflections and humorous anecdotes, his conversation naturally flows back and forth between his two ministries — his children and his pastorate.
It was not so long ago, though, that tragedy greatly impacted his life, his children, his ministry: He stood overlooking the “valley of the shadow of death” as his wife walked through it.
And nearly four years later, as a single, 37-year-old dad and pastor, he understands more than ever that “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).
When he was called to First Baptist Church, Stevenson (Tennessee River Association), in March 2000, Boyd and his wife, Christina, were parents of a toddler, Bowen, and a baby, Jackson. A nurse practitioner, Christina — who was called Tina — was preparing for a time in the not-so-distant future when she could be a stay-at-home mom. She wanted three more children and to homeschool them.
But during her pregnancy with Jackson, she had developed headaches that later progressed into migraines. Her health continued to deteriorate and by Jackson’s first birthday, Tina was debilitated, not even able to hold her children. Often during those days, her husband had to assume total care of her, even carrying her outside just to give her a change of scenery.
Just days before Thanksgiving 2000, she was admitted to a hospital in Tennessee, where she remained through Christmas and into early 2001.
Dealing with illness
She was in a depressed state from the medication, headaches and dehydration, said Boyd. And it seemed one thing after another would happen: One lung was punctured; the other collapsed. Tina was placed on a ventilator and, eventually, sepsis set in.
“It was really tough,” Boyd recounted. “I called the family in three times.”
The third time, he asked the Lord to let him know what would happen. Boyd said he heard God, as clear as a bell, say, “It will be all right.”
Then, hardly a month after turning 25, Tina died of adult respiratory distress syndrome, Boyd explained. One of the most difficult tasks, he continued, was trying to tell Jackson and Bowen that their mother was gone.
A week after the funeral, Boyd was back to his pastoral duties, ministering to someone who had suffered loss. This time, it was different, though; he understood with every fiber of his being what that loss felt like.
Boyd’s parents, Ralph and Jo Boyd of Warner Robins, Ga., moved in with him, so he could continue his ministry, a ministry that now grew busier and busier.
Staying busy with work
He assumed one responsibility after another, trying to stay busy.
Though Boyd kept most of his feelings to himself by journaling to chronicle his thoughts, his church was a constant, gentle support for him.
During the many weeks of Tina’s hospitalization, “(the congregation) told me to take care of my wife and the church would be here when we got back,” said Boyd.
Then, in the months after her death, when it became obvious that Boyd was working too much, some members of the church made it their job to see that he slowed down.
Roy Perkins, chairman of the deacons, told Boyd to take time off each week. Perkins even came by the church frequently to make sure that Boyd did.
Another deacon, Barry Smith, took Boyd golfing. Those outings were times when the two would not talk about church. They just went out to get away. The church even gave Boyd a pair of golf shoes.
“I so needed that,” Boyd said of the tangible gift and the time.
The way that the congregation loved and ministered to him during that season, Boyd said, just magnifies that the pastor is not the church.
Just as this personal tragedy had impacted his ministry, Boyd found that he experienced a shift in the thoughts and concerns about his children.
His mind turned to things to which Tina had always attended — costumes and cupcakes and doctor’s appointments and matching clothes and boo-boos.
He came to understand even more that moms do things differently from dads. “I’ve had to meet somewhere in the middle on that and get down on (the children’s) level,” said Boyd. “I’ve tried to take into consideration, ‘What would Tina do in this situation?’”
By 2002, Boyd once again was able to think long-term once more.
In 2003, his boys began to play T-ball and that was another turning point for Boyd.
“We had the most fun we’ve ever had,” said Boyd.
It was through that activity that he came to realize just how busy he had become.
It brought into focus that he needed to slow down and to spend much more time with his sons, especially because he is their only parent. He also saw that he needed time for himself in order to be a good parent and to be an effective minister in the community.
By this time, being the district representative with the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions had been added to his list of responsibilities.
Now nearly two years after that realization, Boyd says he is still trying to get off the “train” on which he put himself after his wife’s death. It takes miles, he noted, to stop a steam engine that is going as fast as it can.
Ben Chandler, former director of missions for Tennessee River Association and now director of missions for St. Clair Association, said, “My friend and colleague, Derek Boyd, demonstrated Christian faith and perseverance in many ways.”
Trusting God with ‘everything’
“He faithfully executed his duties as daddy, pastor, friend, son and associational team player in the midst of one of the strongest storms life can throw at a man,” noted Chandler. “He had to learn to live with his parents. … He had to shift schedules to meet the demands of two growing boys. … He was always available for the association and made friends with many pastors and other church leadership. … He was a champion.”
When Boyd met Carla Bradford of Scottsboro, he again encountered sentiments with which he was unfamiliar. One was that he had found an outlet for releasing and dealing with all the grief he had kept to himself.
“I’ve cried a lot with her and she’s cried a lot with me,” said Boyd.
On Dec. 31, Boyd will begin a new chapter in his life journey when he marries Bradford.
Boyd looks back on the last four years and says that the greatest lesson he has learned is that “I truly can trust God with anything.”
There were times that, without God’s help, the pain would have been too great to bear alone, said Boyd.
Though he still does not understand all the “whys” of what happened, Boyd continues to proclaim, “God is a good God. If I didn’t believe that, I couldn’t minister. … God is a good God, even when I can’t smile about it. … God trusted me with this.”
Share with others: