As a drummer in a rock ‘n’ roll band, 15-year-old Jesse Conte was living his dream. But within a few years, his life of drugs, alcohol and promiscuity had left him empty and desolate.
“In 1984, I slammed into that realization that I couldn’t do it anymore,” he said.
Contemplating suicide, Conte, now an associate in the office of communications services for the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions, opted for one last chance at survival — a church revival service.
Going forward during the invitation, he remembers thinking, “God, I want you. Can you replace the drugs and give me that hunger for you more than the addictions?”
Conte said he knew immediately he was a free man — “free from the inner turmoil and pain, the mental pain, the feeling of being unaccepted at every level.”
Many teens face similar feelings of emptiness, loneliness and being unaccepted, said Anne Lawton, intake coordinator and licensed professional counselor for Pathways Professional Counseling, a ministry of the Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes & Family Ministries. And because they feel as if they have nowhere to turn, they turn to drugs, alcohol and sex.
“If it serves a purpose, if it’s working for them in the sense of it is medicating that hurt and keeps the pain at a distance and is numbing what is going on, then they’ll keep going until it no longer works,” Lawton said.
But “if they’re connected in pure relationships and have a mentor or someone in their lives and are connected … fewer people would fall through the cracks,” she added.
That is why it is important for parents and church leaders to be available and set the example, Conte said.
“Our students need to see it fleshed out, lived out in a real, honest way, not being afraid to be transparent and saying, ‘That’s a struggle for me’,” he said, adding life is not perfect for him now because he’s 50 years old.
Intentionally pursue teens and take time to build relationships, Conte added. Leaders and parents can have a bigger impact than they know.
TeenDrugAbuse.us reports that teens whose parents frequently talk with them about drug use are 42 percent less likely to use drugs.
“Parenting is a huge deal, and it doesn’t come with a manual. You oftentimes feel like you’re flying by the seat of your pants,” said Conte, who is a father of three boys (10, 12 and 14).
The important thing is to “endeavor to train them in the way they should go,” which Conte said should include:
- modeling a Christian life before children.
- limiting the number of extracurricular activities to accommodate intentional family time.
- finding out what’s going on in children’s lives.
- being actively involved in their lives and starting early.
- not giving too many freedoms.
- making sure you are on the same page as a husband-wife team.
- getting involved in a local church, where there are people who are like-minded when it comes to parenting.
- spending lots of time in prayer.
Most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask for help, Lawton added.
For instance, Pathways offers individual and family counseling, as well as risk-free assessment sessions.
“I would encourage the parent or teenager, if they’re 18 or older, to call in,” she said. “Maybe it’s not out of hand yet but it may be later. We’d rather be proactive than reactive to something that’s already gone too far.”
To find the Pathways counselor closest to you, visit www.pathwaysprofessional.org/locations or e-mail pathways@abchome.org.
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