Parents of special needs children face fears of rejection at church

Parents of special needs children face fears of rejection at church

Parents of special needs children say they routinely face cold stares, head shakes and head turns as they go about their daily tasks of school, shopping and play with their children. Some say they even find rejection from the medical and religious communities.

“By the time parents decide to select a church, they have given up,” said Sherron Culpepper, consultant for the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions. “They’ve given up because they’ve already fought a battle with the pediatrician — ­trying to find someone who is interested in serving the health care needs of their child.”

She said parents claim some doctors are unwilling to put up with the behaviors associated with the disability of the child. Not every doctor is willing or able to help,” she explained. “So by the time it’s Sunday and you’ve tried to do all these things you are just too tired to worry about a battle when you go to church,” she said.

She said parents may worry over questions like: “Are they are going to start frowning if I walk in with my child who has autism, cerebral palsy or mental retardation? Will I have to carry my child up steps to get to the Sunday School classroom; Is the bathroom [equipped for the disabled]?”

Autism of family members has in some cases been the impetus to establish a special needs ministry. “I had a grandson with autism and he had been turned away from a couple of churches because they didn’t have the means to provide for children with autism,” said Kathy McCown, special needs department director at Whitesburg Baptist Church, Huntsville.

Family members’ needs

So for two years McCown’s daughter left work and church and stayed home with him. Then McCown decided she would take a year off and stay with her grandson so her daughter could attend church for a year.

It was from this great need that a special needs class was established at Whitesburg four years ago, according to JoAnn Collier, director of preschool ministry.

In recent years other churches dotted around Alabama have begun climbing aboard to provide for special needs children. Jenny Funderburke, minister to children, Westwood Baptist Church, Alabaster, said they began addressing special needs children through a specific program of ministry about four years ago. Yet, the ministry is ever changing as it seeks to minister the best way possible.

“Our goal is twofold. To provide a place for the parents of special needs children. We want them to come and feel secure. And we want to minister to the special needs children —­ to reach them with Jesus on their level — ­that’s what we are about,” she said.

Melissa Calton, preschool and children’s minister of First Baptist Church, Helena, said the numbers of special needs individuals have the potential to grow at their church and other churches in Shelby County, the fastest growing county in Alabama. But it means understanding where they are in their lives and finding ways to communicate with them.

“We can reach their world,” said Claton, whose son, Jeremy, is paranoid schizophrenic.

She said as a parent and church leader she puts before special needs children what God gives and the rest is up to the Holy Spirit, as is the case with anyone. The result in her family has been that Jeremy accepted Jesus.

Learning from the students

First, Helena, member Charlotte Graham is the mother of Josh, an autistic son. “We have appreciated this church and the acceptance here,” she said. “I know we tend to think of all the things we can do for special needs children, but we need to realize what they can show us.”

Graham said integrating special needs children with other children is important because the other children learn so much from them. Her family stayed out of church for awhile because it was so hard to find acceptance and willingness to help a family with a special needs child.

Debby Blackmon teaches specials needs children at Westwood. She said the greatest challenge is ministering to the parents. “To me it’s as much about them as it is the children,” she said.

When all is said and done, showing the love of Jesus is the key, Culpepper explained.