The Danish proverb, “A willing helper does not wait to be called,” means we are not to choose only certain people to help. Someone coming alongside to help others brings a tug to the heart of anyone watching.
I grew up seeing my mother send jellies, cakes and little sandwiches to people who needed comfort and support.
My father delivered the goodies and also gave free haircuts to men at work who needed them. My brother drove poor children to church and also bought them clothes. He knew it was important for them to see love in action and also feel good about themselves.
Some of us see the hurts more clearly than others. My mistake was in thinking people would always be thankful and reach back with a grateful heart.
After disappointments, I knew the answer lay within myself. I could not change others, but I could change my own attitude and response.
Several friends suffered through divorce. I offered them invitations to dinner, the movies and gave a little money now and then. After a while I realized keeping in touch was all up to me. How would I handle this?
I remembered my father’s words: “Don’t expect praise and thanks from others. Then, if it comes, it will be a pleasant surprise.”
I’m learning to do what I feel is enough, and when it comes to a certain point, I write a note or make a telephone call. I convey the message that I am still there for that person. I might say, “We are both busy, and I’d love to hear from you.” It’s not a sarcastic message, only a fact and the willingness to help again.
Then I may move to another person who needs a helping hand.
More lessons
Another lesson was given when I worked with the street people. I offered to buy a man a new pair of shoes. “Would you really do that?” he asked, with amazement in his voice. I replied with a smile. “I’ll have them for you when I return next week.”
He stood waiting that day as I handed him the shoes. “May I take the box along?” he asked. I gave it to him, thinking, “He’s going to sell the shoes for booze, I just know it.”
I went to my supervisor and poured out my concern. She answered, “When you give something to someone, take hands off it. Don’t even think about it anymore. It’s the only way you can keep from negative and troubling ideas about something you can’t control.”
The lesson extended into giving to others in any situation. I must give it with no strings attached. One person received a gift and felt the heaviness of “payback” from the giver. He returned it with this note, “I’m giving back the gift with all the strings attached.” I, too, must not expect special favors and treatment. The person is not in debt to me or responsible for a deeper friendship than they wish to form.
I’ve known people with a financial need and have given money. Later they’ve passed me with hardly a glance.
“How ungrateful,” I thought. Then, once more, I had to choose to let go, knowing my gift was needed at the time.
If I were to take the reactions of others and stuff them down inside, they would only pop up again, causing me to be sarcastic, bitter and unable to enjoy giving again.
When people are hurting, they will do almost anything to get their needs met. They often cannot get outside themselves to think about others or have a grateful heart.
Love and prayer are the best combination to help me understand why I must reach out to others without expecting them to reach back to me.
The most exciting goal is that after we reach out with no strings attached, showing our love of Christ, we may be able to lead that person to Him. We have earned the right to share the gospel.
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