On the last night Jesus spent with His disciples He gave them a new commandment. In John 13:34, Jesus said, “A new commandment I give you: love one another. As I have loved you so you must love one another.”
Earlier in His ministry Jesus had emphasized loving one’s neighbor through the story of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37). Jesus even taught people should love their enemies (Matt. 5:44). But in these last hours, Jesus focused attention on loving the fellowship.
So important was love of the fellowship that Jesus said it would be an identifying mark for all to know that one was a Jesus-follower.
Jesus even told the disciples the kind of love they were to have for one another. It was not a sentimental kind of love. Nor was it the love of friendship. Jesus said, “As I have loved you so you must love one another.” It was “agape” love.
Love of Christ
Years later the apostle John expanded on this commandment when he wrote, “This is how we know what love is, Jesus Christ laid down His life for us” (1 John 3:16). John also challenged, “Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth” (v. 18). Christians ought to lay down their lives for one another, he wrote (v. 16).
The words of Jesus recorded by John and the apostle’s later commentary on those words were directed toward the Church. Yet they have equal application to the Christian home. They provide guidance to mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles — all who are part of a Christian family.
The family is held together by self-giving love. One can say all the emotionally laden platitudes possible but unless the words are validated by actions of service and self-sacrifice, the words are like a “resounding gong or a clanging cymbal” — just noise (1 Cor. 13:1).
John’s commentary makes that point. “If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?” asks John (v. 17). The application to the family is unmistakable. Christian families founded on the love of God demonstrate their love through self-sacrificing service to one another.
Mothers and fathers know about self-sacrificing service. They give up time, sleep, hobbies, personal preferences, opportunities, food and more for children. They run households, attend meetings, meet with teachers, prepare meals and countless other tasks. They labor to provide shelter and security.
Grandparents — even great-grandparents — sometimes help with these tasks. So do extended family members.
Family members are there to help with skinned knees or broken limbs or debilitating disease. They are there to support amid all the traumas of growing up and growing old — the bruised egos, the broken hearts, the physical pains, the confusion and emotional distresses.
Being part of a Christian family is not easy. It takes a lot of stamina, a lot of endurance, a lot of Christ-like love.
Mothers may face the greatest challenge. In this era of both parents working outside the home and spouses sharing household chores, women still do more work than men.
A study of developed countries by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development found that in the United States, men spend more time working outside the home than women — an average of one hour and six minutes more.
When unpaid work — what some call the “second shift” — is added, women far outdistance men. The biggest gap involves child care and cleaning.
A sad commentary on the status of men in the U.S. was the finding that in cases where the mother worked outside the home and the man did not, the woman still devoted about 50 percent more time to child care than the nonworking father.
Honestly it is hard to see how Christ-like love can be at play in such situations. “Agape” love refuses to be guided by personal interest or advantage. A Christ-like love seeks the other’s good.
The apostle Paul addressed this issue in Philippians 2:3 when he wrote, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourself.”
Greeks of that day had trouble with the idea of humility and service. To them such traits showed weakness. They were marks of a slave, not a free man.
Evidently that type of thinking still exists in some quarters where selfish ambition, vain conceit, power and pride are more important than Christian love.
In the Philippians passage Paul called for believers to be like-minded (v. 2). That is a popular term in the letter where it is used 10 times. The term refers to a “comprehensive outlook which affects the attitude.” Today it might be called a worldview.
The apostle is not advocating identical lifestyles or sameness in personalities. He is pleading for the Philippian community to embrace common values and common love. Negatively that would rule out selfish ambition because selfish ambition focuses on the individual. Positively it would reinforce considering others because humility looks after the interest of others.
‘One in Spirit and in purpose’
The Philippian Christians had been made “one” by the work of grace in their lives and were to be “one in Spirit and in purpose” (v. 2). They were partners with the Spirit of God and with each other. That partnership was lived out in self-giving love modeled by Christ’s giving of Himself on the cross.
What a wonderful example for the Christian family: a like-minded family — a family united in Christ and one in values and love. There the needs of others become more important than personal desires. There the needs of the family take precedent over the desires of the one.
There, as the apostle Paul wrote, selfishness gives way to the needs of others and egotism is replaced by humility. For the Church and for the home Jesus’ command is equally applicable, “Love one another as I have loved you.” That is a command good for mothers, fathers and all others.
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