Jason Gray, a singer-songwriter and self-proclaimed “pretty good dude for about a half hour at a time,” has lived through some really high highs and some really low lows. After one low period of doubting the Church, what Gray learned culminated in his recent release, “Place for Me.”
Gray knows well the highs and lows of the music industry.
“I have some very, very kind, very generous fans who have been with me for years. When you’re on stage and you have a song that’s doing well on the radio, there’s a real feeling of being loved and seen and appreciated in all that.
“But then if you haven’t had a song do well for a while, it goes away. It goes away pretty quickly. It’s hard to not allow the adoration times to make you think that you’re more important than you actually are, that you have something to say when maybe you actually don’t,” he said.
“It’s hard to remember your value when you’re not the ‘it’ guy of the moment, so it’s a bit of a roller coaster ride.”
Gray has also had highs and lows personally.
He’s had a career that many can only dream about. He has three sons who are also talented in music. He has found a unique church that he loves.
On the flip side, his parents divorced when he was young. He had an abusive stepfather. He has a speech impediment. One of his sons battled leukemia. He went through a painful divorce himself.
Complex relationship
Through these highs and lows, he never forgot that God loves him and that the Church was there for him.
That is, until about six years ago.
“I’ve had an uneasy relationship with the Church for the last five, six, seven years,” Gray said. “I’ve got my baggage. I’ve got my wounds. I’ve worked on staff at a church and have seen the worst of what can go on behind the scenes.
“In a lot of ways, I can look at the Church and I can feel it’s fine for what it is, but it seems like a separate thing than what the Kingdom of Jesus is about, like it’s a sidecar or sometimes a distraction.”
When Gray forms an idea about a situation, he “attacks it from all sides to see what survives.”
After realizing he had a grudge against the Church, he worked through it and now recognizes the miracle that the Church is, with the Church offering a place of belonging based on a universal need — the human need for help, guidance and grace.
He discovered that though people can be ostracized because of their opinions, the Church isn’t like that.
Though there may be a variety of beliefs, political ideals or social circles in a church, “we manage to come together once a week and for an hour and a half, we all point our hearts in the same direction, and we choose to be the family of God.”
“That is what our culture needs to see right now — to be this city on a hill, a living example of how we can be that unity in diversity,” Gray continued.
His plan for his next album is to share his newfound knowledge about the Church. However, Gray had already written and recorded one song with this theme.
“Place for Me” is a reminder that the Church is a place anyone can belong. Unlike much of Gray’s music that deals with “grief, loss and transformation on the other side of a catastrophe,” this song expresses the joy of the Church.
Questioning
Gray’s local church has some unusual aspects.
Journey Church in Brentwood, Tennessee, begins its services with the pastor’s son, who has Down syndrome, praying a blessing over the service. The worship section is comparable to many others, with worship songs led by a worship team.
The pastor, Kevin Dixon, then preaches, but only for 20 minutes.
At its conclusion, the floor is open for questions. Anyone can ask anything either by raising a hand or texting the question. Because Gray has a “hunch that he has a lot of wrong ideas about God,” this time is exciting. He never knows what questions will come up, and he loves hearing different views about God, religion and life.
In the past when his view of God was challenged by life events, Gray was more likely to doubt his experiences than to doubt his understanding of who God is. Now he’s less afraid of what’s going on in his life.
“The thing is, I’m not really questioning God so much as I’m questioning my current understanding of Him, right? If I refuse to engage with those questions, who knows how long I would go on with this imperfect understanding of God.” he said.
To help combat the highs and the lows, the doubts and questions, Gray sings one of his songs, “Remind Me Who I Am,” to himself as well as to his audience from the stage every night.
And when he feels alone in those struggles, he can now sing “Place for Me” as a reminder that he’s part of the family of God.
To learn more about Gray, go to www.jasongraymusic.com.
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