Alabamians honor deceased loved ones in variety of ways

Christians who lose a loved one have the hope of salvation to ease their pain, but the void created from a loved one’s passing remains impossible to fill. Honoring the loved one’s memory in an individualized and creative way can often be a cathartic act for those left behind. Remembering and celebrating a life that impacted and changed the world around you can be a wonderful way to keep someone’s memory and ideals alive.
   
Trudy Tharpe, a grief support specialist and executive director of the Community Grief Support Service in Homewood, noted that people want their loved ones to be remembered.
   
“They do [these things] so that their loved one will not be forgotten” she said. “The worst thing (they can imagine) is to think that their loved one’s life and contributions have been forgotten.” Tharpe also recognized that people often want to carry out the person’s unfinished work.
   
Piano and voice teacher Sandra Raspberry Tice battled cancer for 18 years before she died Christmas Eve of last year. In her 50 years on Earth, Tice used her musical talents in Alabama churches.
  
As a student at Northwest-Shoals Community College (NW-SCC), she performed as a soloist and accompanist. She graduated in 1984 with her associate’s degree in music. Her husband, Mike, is a coach and recruiter at NW-SCC.
   
In honor of her contributions to music, Tice set up a scholarship fund at the college. He said the scholarship will be distributed to music majors who have a financial need. He said, “The scholarship will go to someone who loves music and is also in need of help. I think that’s what Sandra would want.”
   
Sandra Tice, who worked with choirs and assisted the pianist at First Baptist, Hamilton, will be remembered as a warm and giving woman. “We are hoping to keep her memory alive [through the scholarship fund],” Tice said. “She touched a lot of people’s lives with her singing. She ministered to a lot of people with her [battle against] cancer, too.”
   
Cancer also claimed the life of Flomaton resident Robert Ken Florie. Florie, who attended First Baptist Church, Flomaton, died at the young age of 27. Between his first and second major surgery, he valiantly fought the malignant brain tumor that eventually claimed his life.
   
Florie’s parents, Bobby and Ann Florie, were devastated. His mother said, “Our miracle is that God gave us the strength to deal with Ken’s sickness day by day.”
   
After Ken’s death, the Flories founded a chapter of Compassionate Friends in their small hometown. The organization sought to reach out to those in mourning, and members celebrated the lives of those they loved.
   
Mrs. Florie remembers the comfort of being with people who had faced similar circumstances. “It helped to know you were with people who knew how you felt,” she said. “The loss you feel — you don’t know unless you have been there.”
   
The Flories both wonder how people who do not know the Lord can survive the tragedy of losing a child. “I don’t know how we would make it without knowing we would see him again one day,” she explained.
   
The Flomaton chapter of Compassionate Friends met together, ministering to each other’s needs in times of crises.
   
They invited guest speakers, held candle-lighting ceremonies in which they honored loved ones, and composed calendars that featured birthdays of deceased children and family members. Members sent cards of encouragement and thoughtful prayers to those reliving birthday memories .
   
Nadine Horne of Chelsea found that her involvement in a grief support group helped her face losing her spouse. After losing her husband, Clayton, in 1999, she joined one of the Community Grief Support Service groups in Homewood.
   
Through fellowship with the group, Horne was able to share precious memories and confront intimidating fears. After being with the group for a year, Horne graduated and began volunteering. She has found that her volunteer work has aided her in the healing process. She gives her time to ministering to a Friendship group, a part of Community Grief Support Service, which meets in Pelham bimonthly.
   
Her husband died at the age of 64 after fighting Hodgkins’ lymphoma disease for more than a year. The couple was married for 39 years.
   
She remembers that in the last month of her husband’s life they watched the leaves fall from a beautiful maple tree in her yard. “I had a feeling that by the time the last leaf had fallen, Clayton would be gone,” she remembered. “And he was.”
   
Mrs. Horne has survived that intense pain, and feels a special kinship with those grieving.
   
“I feel I am able to help people through very difficult times by encouraging them, understanding them and giving them the hugs they need,” she said.
   
She has also chosen to honor her husband through donations to the Liberty Baptist Church (Chelsea) cemetery fund, the UAB Hospice and the American Cancer Society. Additionally, she has designated money from her estate to benefit those organizations.