Grief is always difficult for adults during holidays, but it can be especially difficult for children. A child’s grieving process is different from an adult’s because he views death and loss from a different perspective.
Although grief is most often associated with the death of a loved one, many experiences can cause grief. Divorce, illness, financial loss, professional setback or job loss, the death of a dream, even a loved one’s moving far away can be sources of genuine grief.
Children process information in small amounts and begin to grieve slowly. They also grieve and re-grieve a loss throughout their lives. A child’s grieving process is usually sporadic and more physical and less verbal than an adult’s. A child may ask a question, then run out to play.
The child’s process also is reflective of a parent’s response to the loss. If a child does not see a parent or adult grieve, then he may feel that he cannot grieve outwardly. He feels pressure to “be strong.” Too often, children are not given the opportunity to express their feelings. The emotions generated after a loss may result in excess energy, which manifests itself in “acting out” behavior.
A child’s physical responses to grief may be much the same as those of an adult. Children and adults can experience fatigue, headaches, stomachaches, dizziness and the inability to sleep. Children also may exhibit regressive behaviors such as bed-wetting and separation anxiety.
Like adults, children may have trouble concentrating and making decisions and may continually think about the loss and even want to withdraw from seeing or being with people. Because grief is an emotional response, a child may experience a variety of emotions, including fear, anxiety, denial, anger, sadness, loneliness and guilt.
Children usually are frightened when things happen they do not understand and daily routines are interrupted. Children also have a fear of abandonment and wonder if someone else important is going to leave them as well.
Children may feel responsible for the loss. They worry that they said, thought or wished something that caused the loss to happen.
Be willing to answer your children’s questions several times. Hearing answers repeatedly helps children process their feelings and understanding of a death or other loss.
(BP)
Share with others: