Carnahan’s widow offers advice on dealing with grief

“Get up and do what is there and presents itself to you immediately. … The thing that God has given for you to do that day, do that.”
   
That’s advice for thousands of grieving Americans who lost loved ones in Sept. 11 terrorist attacks from U.S. Sen. Jean Carnahan, who endured her own public tragedy nearly a year ago.
   
Carnahan’s husband, former Missouri Gov. Mel Carnahan, perished Oct. 16 last year in a plane crash while running for Senate.
   
Their son, who piloted the private plane en route to a campaign appearance, was also killed.
   
After her husband won the election posthumously, the governor appointed Jean Carnahan to serve in his place.
   
She offered insight from her own grieving process Sept. 20 in an interview on ABC’s “Good Morning America” television show.
   
Carnahan, a Southern Baptist, said it’s natural to wonder why when tragedy strikes. “Why me? Why now? What have I done? I don’t deserve this,” she said.
   
“You think all those questions you think later you wish you hadn’t asked,” Carnahan said.
   
However, she added, “You look back in the Bible, you see even Job asked the question, ‘Why me?’ ”
She said “connection” with others is a part of the healing process. “That is why it’s so important for us to come together in candlelight services, in church services,” she said.
   
Dealing with a personal tragedy in the public eye brings added pressure, Carnahan said. “There’s such a focus of attention on you, and you wonder, ‘What’s expected of me?’ ” While feeling pressure to handle grief appropriately, Carnahan advised it’s likely “not going to happen that way” for many people.
   
Asked if she can now think about her husband and son without sadness, Carnahan said: “I think about them every day, of course. I certainly think my husband would be proud of what I’m doing.”
   
Asked by interviewer Claire Shipman, senior national correspondent, what advice she would offer those just beginning their grieving processes, Carnahan said: “They’ll not feel a year from now as they feel today. Time will heal. … There will be blessings in their life they cannot foresee at this moment.” (ABP)