By Carolyn R. Tomlin
Special to The Alabama Baptist
While attending an Alabama writing workshop, I noticed an older woman talking with a group of younger participants. “I’ve been married almost 50 years and many of those from my high school graduation class are nearing the 50-year mark also,” she said. “Our love grows stronger every year.”
With today’s high divorce rate several in the group were a bit surprised.
According to a recent report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, in 1900 there were 709,000 (9.3 percent) marriages and 55,751 (0.7 percent) divorces.
In 2015 the report estimates there were 2,221,379 (6.4 percent) marriages with a 800,909 (3.7 percent) divorce rate per 1,000 population.
Not only are there more divorces but both males and females marry later than several generations ago. Yet with improvements in health care the longevity rate rises. This means many couples can expect to celebrate a golden wedding anniversary and beyond.
Because of circumstances beyond our control not all marriages can be measured by the quantity of years together.
Instead some are highly valued by the quality of the union.
One such marriage was that of C.S. Lewis and Joy Davidman.
Lewis writes, “We feasted on love, every mode of it — solemn and merry, romantic and realistic, sometimes as dramatic as a thunderstorm, sometimes as comfortable and unemphatic as putting on your soft slippers.”
Douglas Gresham, the stepson of Lewis talks about the marriage of his parents.
Instead of the 40 or 50 years experienced in many marriages they had only four because Joy died of cancer early in their married relationship.
C.S. Lewis died three years later. Yet through his writings we can learn about the true nature of marriage and love.
If you’re like many couples, then you celebrate the anniversary of your wedding, birthdays, Valentine’s Day and Christmas each year. But when you think of the blessings of having a longtime marriage partner — wouldn’t it be fun to celebrate more than once a year?
Serendipitous occasions
Like other worthwhile things in life any form of celebration requires some planning. However, most adults report that those serendipitous occasions often provide the most fun and adventure. Some may be expensive while others are low- to no-cost. Use the following to make the most of your years as a couple.
Plan a vacation together. Have you dreamed of taking a cruise, a trip to Europe or a summer excursion to Alaska? Expensive? Yes. Difficult? no. Working out the details of travel and sightseeing as a couple could be one of your best investments in the health of your marriage.
Check with local colleges and universities in your area for plays, musical performances and concerts. Usually free or low-cost, these provide cultural enrichment you or your spouse may enjoy.
Write a love letter to your spouse. Tell him or her how much they mean to you and how they enhance your life.
Attend a Christian marriage enrichment conference.
Surprise your spouse with a “spur of the moment” event. Drop by a coffee shop just to talk and enjoy a flavored drink. Grab your umbrella and walk in a gentle rain. Hike through a state park and search for wildlife with your camera. Take turns with a special surprise — just for the two of you.
Talk about your life and future as a couple. Pull out your family’s photo album and revisit those early years of marriage, look through pictures when your children were growing up or keepsakes of cards given years ago.
Keep a journal of your celebrations for the year. Include ticket stubs, restaurant menus, travel brochures and of course photos of these events. Place it in an area where you’ll be reminded of these special times as husband and wife.
Make prayer and Bible study a time to be together. Husbands and wives who pray for each other — in each other’s presence — maintain a deeper relationship with God.
Share your ideas with other married couples in your Sunday School class and church. Become a role model for your adult children and grandchildren. Could your commitment as husband and wife become the foundation for their marriage?
“The Marriage You’ve Always Dreamed Of” by Greg Smalley
“Secrets of Lasting Love” by Gary Smalley
“The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman
“15 Minute Devotions for Couples” by Bob and Emilie Barnes
“Still the One” by Martha Bolton
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