In the months and weeks leading up to that all-important walk down the aisle, most pastors advise couples to explore their differences on a host of issues ranging from sex to money to parenting.
A new Creighton University study, however, says the most important counseling may actually need to come after the honeymoon, when couples report most problems center around three issues, time, sex and money.
Creighton researchers surveyed 947 couples married five years or less, most of them Catholic, and found the most basic trouble spots in marriage haven’t changed much. But what they found was missing was strong, church-sponsored follow-up counseling that can help couples steer away from divorce.
The first five years are critical in any marriage, said Michael Lawler, director of Creighton’s Center for Marriage and Family. Half of all divorces occur within the first five years, and 30 percent within the first three years. The most critical point in a marriage is the third year, he said.
That’s about the time when the church needs to step in with strong parenting classes, money management classes, communication courses and mentoring programs.
Marital strains
Only 6 percent of couples registered as “highly adjusted,” while more than twice as many- 14 percent- were classified as “distressed.” Lawler said those numbers show that typical marital strains are coming earlier.
“It’s becoming clear that what used to be the seven-year itch is now closer to a five-year itch,” Lawler said. “Something changes.”
Many churches offer programs to young married couples, but even officials concede they could do better at marketing the programs and making them accessible to families, who are often balancing young children and two careers.
Particularly troubling for church leaders was the finding that the church is sometimes the last places couples go for help. Fifty-seven percent turn to friends first, and 46 percent turn to parents. Most people said they were unaware of services offered by churches or did not use them.
Gail Risch, a Creighton researcher who worked on the study, cautioned that local churches need to be flexible in what programs they offer. They cannot create carbon copy programs and expect them to work for everyone.
(RNS)
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