Baby boomer Eileen Wright lives in Montgomery, and her mother lives 10 hours away in Texas. For now, Wright’s mother doesn’t require constant care, but that possibility looms in the future.
"When parents start declining, their children have to make decisions about moving and how to care for them," said Wright, an associate in the office of discipleship and family ministries for the Alabama Baptist State Board of Missions. "There are also a lot of dynamics in the family — communication may not always be great, and one sibling who shoulders more of the responsibility may feel resentful towards others. It can be tough and sticky."
Although education and hands-on assistance is needed for adults finding they need help caring for their parents, Wright said she doesn’t know of any programs or resources currently offered through the local church.
"This will be something churches will need to consider as we have a huge number of people in the sandwich generation — baby boomers — who will need to have interaction teaching them how to deal with aging parents and siblings," Wright said.
One reason she thinks there aren’t many courses or other options dealing with this topic is the very nature of it.
"These kinds of topics don’t make for a happy conference," Wright said. "One question snowballs into a multitude of questions, and there aren’t perfect answers for these issues."
A minister to senior adults since 1987, Ronnie McCarson, minister to adults 55+ at Cottage Hill Baptist Church, Mobile, in Mobile Baptist Association, said he has been surprised by the effect that caring for aging parents is having on marriages.
McCarson has noticed a rise in the divorce rate among people in their 50s and 60s. "They think they are going to ride off into the sunset but it’s not all hunky—dory. Often they have to take care of parents and children who have returned home. It can be stressful and can cause problems."
McCarson said he is planning a weekend seminar for the fall to help adults over 55 prepare for the second half of life and will discuss some of these tough issues.
"We’ll be lighthearted when dealing with this but it’s serious," he said. "We’ll discuss how lawyers can help with the legal issues and counselors can help talk out some of the other issues. People need to know how to get their ducks in a row to prevent future problems."
McCarson recommended that all adults be informed when it comes to the needs of aging parents. These include the latest information on housing, medication and insurance coverage. He noted that several pharmaceutical companies are taking nationwide tours to help explain things to folks.
McCarson also said it’s important to encourage senior adults to have living wills and medical directives, which can prevent agonizing situations later. "We have an attorney in our church who does this kind of thing for our senior adults pro bono," he said. "This is a great thing he provides, and other lawyers can help do this or provide seminars explaining what people need."
McCarson’s 82-year-old mother lives in North Carolina, so he said these issues are close to his heart personally. "There’s also a guilt issue for those who don’t live near their parents," McCarson said. "Not being there can hurt."
Jim Branum, director of CareNet Connection, a program that coordinates volunteers with programs through Birmingham Baptist Association, said it’s easy for people to get discouraged. Branum, who is also director of ministries at First Baptist Church, Fultondale, in Birmingham Association, said his church is going to host a support group for caregivers in the near future and he is working to develop a Web site that will have pertinent information.
According to Wright, each county in Alabama has a center of aging or senior services that can provide a variety of services from legal to Medicaid Waiver to nutrition.
To find an Agency on Aging, visit www.alarc.org/index.html or call 334-277-2221. For information on ministries for caregivers, call Wright at 1-800-264-1225, Ext. 221.
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