Looking in from the outside, a family may seem to have an ideal existence not unlike that of the Cleavers or some other fantasy television household.
But then one day the veneer cracks. The “perfect” couple decides they can no longer live together, and children are left in a home where mother and father are not one.
But just as divorce signals the end of a family, it heralds the beginning of new opportunities for ministry by the church. With one parent no longer a regular part of a child’s life, adults in the church can take on the responsibility of role models to such children.
Randy Sims, student minister at Southside Baptist Church, Huntsville, said children from divorced families need unconditional love like kids from any other family.
“The main thing is just to be there and care for them,” he said of the need all children have. That need among youth is greater, he said, when the student is from a divorced home. Sims said he encourages youth leaders to reach out to students from divorced homes through spending additional time with them and contacting them on a regular basis.
Sims said divorce in youths’ lives comes at a time when they are already dealing with a host of other issues. “I think it really shakes their need for security,” he said.
Scott Estes, a counselor with the Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries (ABCH), said children often question whether they are the cause for their parents’ divorce. He said they may also question whether the other parent will leave.
Sharing how he was 30 when his parents divorced, Sims said the decision had an impact on him even though he was an adult.
“I still remember how that shook me,” he said. “I didn’t realize on a subconscious level how that affected me.”
The impact on a youth’s life is the same, only amplified as they also deal with peer pressure, puberty, the need for acceptance and other issues. It also happens at a time when they are asking question about whether families are forever and if God is for real.
A divorce can also affect the lives God intends for children, said Josh Rang, minister to students at Dauphin Way Baptist Church, Mobile.
“The bottom line is that they don’t have the support structure that God has designed for them to have,” Rang said. “When you don’t have a complete family there, it goes against God’s design.”
Sims encourages youth to deal with the pain they are feeling, rather than bottling up feelings.
“It all depends on the child. Some of them cope real well,” Estes said. “The biggest thing is assuring them that you love them.”
Rang said children from divorced families have a greater need for acceptance but will see God’s grace if they are pursuing Christ, regardless of circumstances.
Estes said children need to be assured, both by family members and their church family, that they haven’t done anything wrong. He adds parents can also make the situation easier through not pitting children against the other parent.
Identifying three institutions given by God — marriage, family and church — Sims said the church has an opportunity for ministry when divorce shakes the foundations of the first two institutions.
Churches can do that, Estes said, by establishing support groups for divorced parents, along with active singles programs. He added many churches also have support groups for children of divorce.
“There is nothing like the local church and the local church working like it should. When that situation exists,” Rang said, “children will continue to learn God’s truth and how it speaks to their lives.”
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