This February my beloved husband, Bob, will have been dead for five years. Time has a way of moving fast then slow. It depends on many things.
Even so, the chill of the air, the decorations, just the very thoughts of the approaching holidays sends a feeling through those that have suffered some kind of loss in their lives, that only they can understand. You know the holidays will close in on you soon and what do you do about it? That is the question.
Some of your grief is so fresh and so painful that I hope the following suggestions will help.
1. Begin early to plan your coping strategies. Decide what you feel you can handle.
2. Think positive thoughts.
3. You might want to make changes in the way you have done things before.
4. It may be less painful to attend another church for some of the holiday music programs and events. All pastors understand the courage it takes to sit in that pew where you sat with that loved one. To do this may take time. Again I say decide what is best for you and your family.
5. Of course you have to face Thanksgiving and that will be here soon. You no doubt are trying so hard to get back to some form of normalcy. Thanksgiving is a hard time to do that. Allow yourself room to cherish the memories but work hard at not allowing them to choke you on this special day. You will make it.
6. Don’t be afraid to share with other members of your family what will help you the most. One phrase became very important to me during the holidays and especially the first year. “I just can’t handle it now.” There is security in that statement.
7. Don’t be afraid to try and have some fun. Though your heart may be breaking as I said earlier, positive thoughts can go a long way in making a difference.
8. Be realistic and try to take one day at a time. Don’t imagine how you are going to feel on that holiday. Some thoughts you imagine might not hurt as much when the actual time arrives.
9. Each morning you get out of bed say to yourself. “There is no way I am going to make it through this day.”
And then the beautiful thought will come to you if you listen hard enough. “You don’t have to make it. I will do it for you.” Christ living in each of us paves the way for such thoughts — the truth of Galatians 2:20.
And then let me urge you to let others help you. There is a wonderful book by Ruth Loewinsohn. It is a “Survival Handbook for Widows” but truths are there for all the bereaved.
She explains that people want to help but sometimes do not know what to do unless you tell them. She encourages that you tell them to call you often.
The most important thing is just to dedicate yourself to survive each new day. You will make it as you ask God for direction in every single area of your life. His Divine Love is the greatest resource we can have.
Granted the holidays are hard but many people are praying for you. I am one of them and thank you for your prayers.
If you need a friend to talk to, feel free to write me at 2304 Heritage Drive, Opelika, AL 36804. I care.
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