EDITOR’S NOTE: This story is part of a series of articles focusing on the worldly challenges Christian families face and how the church can help.
Sometimes what happens in the home is covered up because of shame or fear. Christians should educate themselves on spouse abuse, substance abuse and narcissism to see how they can better minister to families going through these struggles.
Spouse abuse
Spouse abuse involves violence or mistreatment by one person against another, entailing a pattern of behavior where one partner seeks to control the other through fear, intimidation or the threat or use of violence.
Spouse abuse can include physical, sexual, financial, spiritual, technological, stalking, emotional and psychological abuse. Domestic abuse is a dangerous and deadly problem in the United States today. According to the FBI’s “Law Enforcement Officers Killed and Assaulted” database, 503 officers between 2011 and 2020 were killed after responding to domestic violence calls.
Christian marriages not immune
Unfortunately, abuse in Christian marriages can be just as prevalent as in non-Christian homes. Spouse abuse between a Christian husband and wife often goes unreported for many reasons, including feeling ashamed to admit they are experiencing or causing abuse, fear of further abuse, fear of judgment from church family and the community, trying to avoid job loss or hoping the marriage can be saved.
In many instances children fall victim to the abuser, also enduring physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Children who live with and witness domestic violence can suffer lifelong damaging effects.
Young children may revert to habits of even younger children, including thumb-sucking, bedwetting, increased crying and whining. School-aged children can develop antisocial traits, struggle with guilt over the witnessed abuse or take blame for parents’ abusive behavior, bruising their self-esteem.
When teenagers witness domestic abuse they tend to act out, fighting, skipping school, engaging in risky sexual activities, dabbling in drugs and alcohol, getting into trouble with the law or becoming abusers themselves.
Substance abuse
When Todd Harper*, a husband, father, respected community member and church deacon in Birmingham, Alabama, injured his back, his doctor prescribed opioid painkillers. What started as a way to manage pain quickly spiraled out of control. He became addicted to opioids and began spending the family’s savings to buy more pills. When his teenage son discovered the addiction, he too turned to drugs as a way to escape from his own pain.
This tragic story shows the devastating impact of substance addiction on Christian families. It can weaken faith, disrupt family spiritual practices and lead to a sense of disconnection from God. Addictions can create conflict, mistrust and estrangement within families, leading to broken relationships and a lack of family support.
— Alcohol use disorders prove the most common, affecting 29.5 million.
— Around 70.3 million aged 12 or older used illicit drugs.
Substance abuse poses a significant threat to the foundation of Christian families.
By acknowledging the problem and seeking help, families can find healing and hope. Churches and communities that provide compassionate support and resources for those struggling with substance abuse and addiction reinforce the knowledge that no family is beyond saving.
Narcissism
According to the Mayo Clinic, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a “mental health condition characterized by an elevated sense of self-importance.” Behind the façade of extreme confidence can lie an insecure individual easily upset by criticism, some sources say.
Narcissists can be emotionally abusive and create toxic environments, whether in personal relationships or workplaces.
Christian families typically value compassion, understanding and selflessness, but when a family member suffers from grandiose narcissism, the lack of empathy can create emotional distance and conflict. Narcissists often manipulate their family by using fear, guilt and shame, leading to a breakdown in trust and communication.
Narcissists prioritize their needs above others,’ expecting much from family members while giving little or nothing in return. They may isolate their spouse from friends and family, weakening connections with loved ones and focusing solely on their own desires for admiration and control, according to Focus on the Family.
How can the church help with these challenges?
— Pastors should educate themselves and church staff on the growing problem of spouse abuse, substance abuse and narcissism.
— Pastors can talk about these issues from the pulpit to help educate members and raise awareness.
— Keeping a list of resources when suspecting domestic violence prepares the church to respond quickly and professionally.
— Offer seminars on domestic violence and invite qualified speakers to advise and teach church members.
— Discuss these struggles in men’s and women’s Bible studies or support groups.
— Partner with trained local counselors and help provide counseling services to church and community members, working with husbands and wives separately.
— When abuse is confessed, pastors can help separate the abuser from the victim and their children, seeking help from community agencies and other officials, arranging for the victim and children to be taken to a safe, undisclosed place.
— When spouse abuse victims and their children need temporary financial help to pay for food, childcare or legal support, church members can step in.
— Pray with and for those dealing with these issues, offering spiritual nurture and guidance, and encouraging them with scripture.
— Assist in arranging help for the victim as well as the abuser, making sure church members know they can ask for help and will be believed.
For more information on faith-based recovery programs and resources visit:
— Family First Intervention: A Christian Approach to Drug and Alcohol Intervention: https://family-intervention.com
— Home of Grace: Faith-Based Addiction Recovery: https://www.homeofgrace.org
— Focus on the Family: Substance Abuse & Addiction Resources: https://www.focusonthefamily.com
— Christian’s Drug Rehab: Understanding Addiction from a Biblical Perspective: https://christiansdrugrehab.com
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