In the remake of the movie classic “Father of the Bride,” the title character, played by Steve Martin, is forced to come to grips with the fact that his little girl has grown up. In my favorite scene, the daughter, on a visit home from college, announces her engagement during dinner. Martin, hearing the announcement, sees only the daddy’s girl she once was, not the young woman she has become.
As the father of two young daughters, that scene, though amusing, is a sober reminder of things to come. Jael and Danielle, ages 10 and 8, have already begun the process by which little girls become women.
And I, for one, am scared.
For the moment, you see, I am still the man of their dreams: tall, strong and handsome (well, at least they think so). They still like to feel my muscles (such as they are), still like to snuggle close, still give me little butterfly kisses.
Soon, however, they will enter puberty, very likely rocking their world and mine. All of my inconsistencies as a husband, father and minister will be on full display, examined in the light of teenage wisdom. To make matters worse, I will likely be competing for their affections with Troglodytes that are unworthy of them.
Thus, among my many concerns, are these: Do I spend enough time with them? Am I receptive to their needs and concerns? Has my relationship with their mother, my wife, given them the proper model to emulate? Do I say “I love you” enough?
In short, have I given them a foundation that is secure enough to preclude them from seeking succor in the arms of some Philistine?
For example, despite a plethora of education and prevention programs, the incidence among teenagers of sexual activity and its attendant complications including illegitimacy, abortion and sexually transmitted diseases remains alarmingly high.
Although the public generally associates these problems with the inner city, they are major issues in suburban, middle-class communities as well.
Nor is sexual activity the only outlet for troubled teens. Drug dealers, gangs, racial supremacist groups and religious cults actively recruit disaffected young people as a means of strengthening their fiefdoms.
When questioned as to the reason for their involvement in such groups, the youthful adherents typically point to a need for acceptance and belonging.
For many people, of course, such news is old hat. This being the information age, we have become inured of such facts — until the face on the statistic is of someone we love. Indeed, for many Americans the angst experienced in the wake of the Columbine shootings came about only because we finally realized it could happen to us.
Yet our children have been crying out for attention all along.
Even being armed with such information does not automatically make me more attentive to my children’s needs.
Like others in the helping professions such as teachers, counselors and clergy, the needs from which my wife and I have to decompress at the end of a workday often conflict with our children’s needs. Hence my angst over the anger and rebellion that often accompany puberty.
My wife and I try to be proactive in our approach to parenting. For example, we try to be aware of everything and everyone associated with our children’s school. We’ve each gone on school field trips as parent-chaperons in order to know their teachers and classmates, was well as other parents. Family trips, whether short or long, are characterized by listening to children’s radio programs or books on tape. Fran and I enjoy listening to the girls as they re-enact their favorite parts. The point is that we try to take advantage of all teachable moments, while simultaneously creating memories and experiences our children can draw from in years to come.
In so doing, we are guided by the words of the apostle Paul, who wrote that God “is able to guard what (we) have entrusted to Him” (2 Tim. 1:12).
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