In approximately one-quarter of American households, care is provided to one or more people age 50 and older. In most cases, no formal support services are in place, meaning that all care is provided by family members and friends.
The care-giving role involves physical, psychological, emotional and financial demands. It can be a heavy load, exacerbated by the limited availability of community support services.
But it can also be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. These unpaid helpers provide practical assistance and enhance the quality of life for older people who are ill and who might otherwise require placement in a long-term care facility. Typically they are spouses or offspring, oftentimes seniors themselves. The majority are women.
The loved ones they care for have physical or mental impairment — sometimes both — caused by one or more chronic health conditions, stroke and dementia being most common.
The care-giving journey is often a long one and can be particularly challenging when the elder has heavy hands-on needs, a demanding personality or mental impairment. A common phenomenon is caregiver burnout due to the physical toll and emotional strain over time. The following 10 tips are some things that you, as a friend or relative, can do to help prevent a caregiver you know from wearing down:
– Keep in touch, recognizing that you may have to make most of the effort in maintaining the relationship. If you live at a distance or otherwise can’t visit often, call to see how he or she is doing or send a card or letter to the caregiver to indicate you’re thinking of him or her. Do this regularly, even if the caregiver does not reciprocate.
– Educate yourself about the care recipient’s disease, to help you understand the kinds of challenges the caregiver might be faced with.
– Listen nonjudgmentally, demonstrate compassion and don’t give unsolicited advice. Provide words of support and encouragement. Let the caregiver know that he or she and the person being cared for are in your prayers.
– Offer to accompany him or her to a caregiver support group meeting (some offer concurrent care). Talking with other caregivers who have a firsthand understanding of his or her situation can be very therapeutic. Support groups provide an opportunity to vent frustrations, express concerns, brainstorm solutions, share successes and even share some laughs.
– Encourage the caregiver to practice self-care by eating nutritiously, exercising and getting sufficient rest in order to maintain good health. Do whatever you can to help make this happen. For example, bring over a meal or offer to sit with the loved one while he or she goes out for a walk or takes a nap to catch up on lost sleep.
– Ask what kind of practical help the caregiver could use most; perhaps it’s picking up groceries, running errands or doing laundry or yard work.
If he or she initially declines assistance, continue to express your desire to help. Meanwhile take it upon yourself to deliver a casserole or muffins or if you’re a neighbor, to mow the lawn or shovel the walk when you do your own. Encourage the caregiver to ask for help if he or she is trying to do it all alone.
– Surprise him or her with a treat, such as a rented movie, fresh flowers or a plant or a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant that has takeout and delivery service. If you’re on a limited income, sign out magazines, books, movies or compact discs her or she would enjoy from the local library.
– When it comes to special occasions, keep in mind that the most valuable gift you can give a caregiver is the gift of time. Offer to sit with the person receiving the care for an hour while the caregiver goes to a hair appointment or to worship or for a longer stretch so he or she can go on a day trip or to a cultural or social event.
Time away from giving care allows caregivers an opportunity to recharge their batteries. If you don’t live close by and can’t offer respite, find out if there is any special equipment the person could use to help make care-giving easier — for example, a bath bench.
For bigger-ticket items, investigate whether other relatives or friends would be willing to pool resources to purchase it. If the caregiver is on a limited income, another good idea is a gift certificate to a local pharmacy, medical supply store or department store.
– If the caregiver is planning to host a party or dinner, offer to help with preparations or cleanup or to attend to the care recipient during the event so the caregiver can concentrate on hosting duties and mingle with guests.
– Offer to get information about community support services such as accessible transportation, home care, day-care programs and residential respite care — if none is already in place — and encourage their use as appropriate.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Lisa M. Petsche is a clinical social worker and a freelance writer specializing in family life and adult care issues.
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