What makes a funeral meaningful? Doug Manning, a former Baptist pastor and author of several widely distributed books about grief, offers these observations:
A funeral offers a safe place to grieve. “People need permission to grieve,” he said. “A funeral is the last place on earth where it’s OK to grieve publicly. And too often, we try to hide it, to sanitize it, to get through it without anybody crying.”
A funeral underscores the reality of the loss. “I believe it is best for the family to view the body, whether anybody else does or not,” he said. “It’s not real until you see it. That which we leave to the imagination comes back to haunt us.”
A funeral establishes significance, both of the life that has ended and of the loss to those who survive. Funerals provide the bereaved a chance to “inventory their loss,” Manning explained. By talking about the deceased, and hearing others talk about that person’s contributions, family and friends can establish the significance of the loss and begin to “move on,” he said.
A funeral offers bereaved survivors a specific time and place to recall where a deceased family member or friend was honored. It provides “roots” and “connection” to the one whose life has ended. “There needs to be a place where the loved one is remembered,” Manning insisted.
A funeral provides a place where the ministry of presence is practiced. Bereaved people need companionship, Manning emphasized. “It’s not what we say. It’s where we are. Folks just need somebody to e there with them.”
(ABP)
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