Genesis 50:15–21; Matthew 5:23–24; Colossians 3:12–15

Bible Studies for Life
Director, Extension Division, Beeson Divinity School, Samford University

Be Reconciled
Genesis 50:15–21; Matthew 5:23–24; Colossians 3:12–15
“Forgive and forget” sounded easy when we were children. However, for some of us, the older we get, the harder it becomes to truly reconcile with the one with whom we’ve had a conflict. Things happen that adults just have a difficult time letting go of — the hurts just run too deep — and forgiving becomes a real challenge. To forgive without “forgetting” and while refusing to reconcile with the other person is no forgiveness at all. In admitting how hard it is to put a wrong in the past and pursuing real reconciliation with the one who has caused the pain, what is a believer to do?

Be Ready to Reconcile (Gen. 50:15–21)
What an incredible passage — and one that is so familiar to many of us. Joseph, hated, sold into slavery and forgotten by his own brothers, rises to great power in Egypt. Because of his position and a great famine in his homeland, his brothers now come to him for food. And as he looks them in the eye, they have to believe that they are now going to get their “comeuppance.” Instead, having years to formulate his revenge for just this very moment, Joseph forgives and embraces his siblings. No one would have condemned him for getting payback, but Joseph shows how God’s love reigns in his life. He refuses to dwell in the past and gives glory to God for how his life has been guided, protected and prospered since the day of the wrong done to him.

Make Reconciliation a Priority (Matt. 5:23–24)
Jesus makes it very clear that for believers, failure or refusal to reconcile is not an option. He explains that it doesn’t matter which party is at fault in any disagreement; the believer is responsible to make the effort to resolve the conflict. Christ goes so far as to say that a believer has no place at worship as long as he or she knows that there is an existing dispute with another. His instruction is that the worshiper must leave and pursue reconciliation with that person. Only after this is he or she to return to the gathering.

Forgiving Completely (Col. 3:12–15)
According to Paul, when it comes to granting forgiveness, there are no exceptions. He said believers must always be characterized by the same virtues they saw in Jesus. Furthermore they are to forgive those who wronged them — EXACTLY in the same manner that they had been forgiven by Christ.

In many ways, these are very hard words to hear. For some of us, these passages do exactly what they are intended to do — remind us of forgiveness that we have refused to grant. Think about it … we are wronged — or worse yet, someone we care about is wronged — and we get angry. Maybe we confront the offender; maybe we don’t. But, bottom line, we want him or her to hurt like we hurt. We can’t stand that he or she was able to do what was done and seemingly is getting away with it. And so we “hold” and often “nurse a grudge.” Every time we see, hear about or think of him or her, the anger reignites inside of us and that old wound is reopened.

As believers, we are supposed to always be characterized by the “fruit of the Spirit” — to display any other type of attitude fails to honor and glorify God. That said, there’s no question that this is hard when we try to do it in our own flesh. And here’s something else … when we keep all of this resentment inside, it can make us physically and emotionally ill. And this clearly separates us from God because it impairs our ability to hear from and be inspired by the Holy Spirit.

God’s Word makes it clear that if we call ourselves followers of Christ, we have to forgive those whom we feel have caused us harm. As hard as it might be to make an effort at reconciliation, we must. And if the other party refuses our attempt to make things right? That part is not up to us — we can’t force acceptance. Neither can we expect that our feelings of pain will go away. But, by an act of our will, relying on the power of the indwelling Spirit, we are supposed to forgive as Jesus has forgiven us — in an expression of grace. Only then can we know what it is to live with the “peace of Christ ruling in our hearts.”