Abuse in churches has come to light more and more in recent years. Many of those who experienced this abuse have fallen away from the faith — or at least have left the Church.
Ryan George was one of these victims and has taken the past 25 years to reevaluate what he believes, but he never left his faith or the Church.
“I understand why so many others have utterly torn down their faith after experiences similar to mine,” said George, a ministry leader and author of “Hurt and Healed by the Church: Redemption and Reconstruction After Spiritual Abuse.”
“For me, Jesus is still the hope of the world, and His Church is how His grace gets distributed to all of humanity. This book is my answer to why I’m still here — how I left an abusive faith system but not Jesus.”
George grew up in a sheltered environment, with his life totally revolving around the Independent Fundamental Baptist denomination. Though he knew what he was experiencing was wrong, he didn’t have a safe way to talk about it because it was his family doing the abuse.
His father, who was later discovered to be a serial sexual abuser, was also his pastor.
“I didn’t feel safe around my parents. I couldn’t tell you five times while I was a kid that I heard ‘I love you’ from my mom. She never stepped in front of my dad to protect me, so I had an insecure attachment from the youngest, from 4 or 5 years old, when they told me horrible things, that I deserved to be beaten or whatever,” George said.
Attachment
George lived with physical abuse but didn’t know about his father’s other side until he was much older. The truth came out in stages, from 2002 to 2021. His dad confessed to him and his mom that he had an affair but didn’t reveal that it was not consensual and that she was younger than 18 years old.
To this date, his father has only told family about what he called an affair and hasn’t admitted his other sexual abuse to anyone.
George hated keeping the secrets about his dad. But since the victims in each case weren’t ready to share, he held it in.
When it finally came out publicly, he had to find the courage and the way to talk about it. He highly recommends to others to write about their experiences but not share it with anyone but a therapist — an essential part of the healing team — or a very trusted family member or friend. Process it with them before sharing with a few others. Only then should that person even consider sharing it with a wider audience.
Journaling is also very important to George, having kept a daily journal since 2016. During the times he feels stagnant, he reviews old entries to see how far he has come.
“It’s crazy. Yesterday I was crying, looking at one from seven years ago and thinking, ‘Oh, my goodness! I remember that moment. It hurt so bad. But look how much freer I am now,’” he said.
Jesus redeemed so much from George’s childhood. Because of his insecure attachment issues, the realization that the violence his father exhibited was generational and the sexual abuse his father had perpetrated, he decided he didn’t want to have children.
“I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I might be tempted by something my dad was tempted by,” George said.
‘Heart of God’
But one day when he was out of the country and off the grid, his wife texted, “We now have a young girl placed in our care. She’ll be here when you get home.” When George finally had phone service, he found out they had been tasked with providing protective care for a teenager who was in his wife’s Bible study, even though they hadn’t trained as foster parents.
Four years later, she became their legal daughter.
“God wanted me to know what it’s like to pursue a child and their adoption in order to get a glimpse of His heart for me. He wanted me to unlearn my doubts, my assumptions and my self-imposed restrictions.
“Now I’m confident to be a dad. I feel I’m a pretty decent dad. Actually, my daughter loves me and likes me and jokes with me. I think I became comfortable with that the further and further I got away from my dad’s abuse and theology,” he said.
As hard as this entire experience has been for George, he is still grateful.
“The heart of God is a good Father, which was a foreign concept to me. I’ve learned that my pain wasn’t wasted. It’s not that everything’s OK because God redeemed the pain, but the pain finds meaning.
“If it can help one person, it’s worth all that I’ve sacrificed to put this book out. … The stories I’m hearing back are making it worth it — for those who finally give Jesus another try.”
To learn more about George and the book, go to booksbyryan.com.
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