By Editor Bob Terry
Look in a mirror and there will be no mistaking your father’s legacy. It may be in the eyes or the shape of the nose or the outline of the face or the hairline. In some clear way, the genetics of one’s very being testify to the impact of one’s father.
But fathers and mothers influence who we are in more ways than physical appearance. They shape our outlook on life, our views of ourself, how we see the world, even our understanding of God.
We know this intuitively because of the influence our fathers have had in our lives. Now the question is what type of influence will we have on our children and grandchildren? What will our legacy be to the coming generation and generations to come?
Legacies are built on actions, not words; for it is our actions that demonstrate who we really are. That is why the home is the primary teaching laboratory.
It is in the home, with its intimacy, its closeness, its constancy, that legacies are built for generations to come. For example, one may claim that all family members are loved, but when each is not treated with respect, the words have a hollow ring.
When father conducts himself as “lord of the manor” and his wishes and desires prevail over all others, little respect for others is shown. When children habitually behave rudely toward parents, respect is lost. When mother is treated like everyone’s servant, there is little love or respect.
Work is another important value. It is the avenue to accomplishment. Work provides a family’s livelihood. Work maintains the family home. Work creates a personal sense of value and teaches individual discipline. Is work at home shared by all? Is work done well or is shoddiness accepted? Is work honored and respected? Teaching people how to work is a valuable gift. Without it, little will ever be accomplished.
Honesty, responsibility, cooperation — these are among the many other values that help build a positive legacy when a father helps his children learn them in the home.
Legacy is more than values. It is also about the kind of person one is. For example, is one a good role model? Experts indicate that most men learn best from examples. That means a positive legacy must be lived out in the family one day at a time. It is lived out in supporting other family members in their activities instead of being caught up in one’s own pleasures. Going with a child to a baseball game or to a soccer match or to play in the park teaches a far different message than pursuing one’s own private interests.
For that matter, a husband and wife sharing time together teach a far different lesson than each chasing his or her own separate hobbies.
Presence is another building block for a positive legacy. Being there to share the joy of accomplishment is a memory never forgotten. Being there to encourage amid disappointment is even more valuable. How fondly we remember those times our parents affirmed us, supported us, encouraged us. How sad are the memories when we looked for our father but he was nowhere to be found.
Affection is hard for men, generally speaking. Men are more comfortable reacting to things intellectually than emotionally. Yet affection is another important building block for a positive legacy. In an ideal world, every family member would know he or she is loved, but our world is not ideal. Many men confess they “never heard my dad say I love you.” Often the acknowledgement is made with tears in their eyes.
Of course, people must be treated in ways that convey love. But people also need to hear they are loved. There is no substitute for being told that you are loved, that your parents are proud of you, that you are appreciated.
Affection is sometimes physical. A good hug can send a wonderful message.
And while a father can teach a child how to relate to others, how to be responsible and all the other things society values, unless the father loves his heavenly Father, his legacy will be lacking. It is impossible for a father to leave a good legacy without a personal relationship with God through faith in Jesus Christ.
The most important relationship one will ever have in life is the relationship with God. It is the privilege of the father to model that relationship in his personal life. It is the privilege of the father to model that relationship as he leads the family in loving God.
It is the privilege of the father to model that relationship by serving God in and through the church.
A child who sees his or her father live out such a relationship with God will, in turn, be more open to God than a child reared void of such an influence. Of children who make professions of faith, research shows that those raised in Christian homes make decisions about two years earlier than those raised in non-Christian homes. That finding is just another example of the importance of men modeling faith in their family.
Legacies are left by every father. The only question is what kind of legacy it will be. Obviously it will be more than genetics. A father’s legacy will be seen in the values children embrace, in their view of themself and others, in the way they express love and, most of all, in their devotion to God.
A father who leaves a positive legacy in areas such as these has left a legacy that will bless his children and the generations that follow.
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