Couples who succeed are those who focus on the positive aspects of their mates, according to speakers at a recent marriage conference.
Speaking during “Marriage for a Lifetime” at Shades Mountain Baptist Church, Vestavia Hills, Gary Smalley encouraged those attending to think of five positive things for every bad thing about their mates.
He said people only remember the negative when that is all they concentrate on, adding the same holds true for positive thoughts.
Smalley, head of the Smalley Relationship Center in Branson, Mo., taught the two-day seminar with his sons, Greg and Michael. The Smalleys covered five levels of communication, along with the four relational “germs” they believe can kill a marriage — withdrawal, escalation, belittling a mate and having exaggerated or false beliefs.
Sharing how “every single cell is different between men and women,” the Smalleys said it is through communication that “two separate people weave themselves together through arguments.” They said couples can take the high road to a more intimate relationship during times of conflict or pursue the four germs.
Often, the Smalleys said, “men withdraw because they are flooded with too many words” and “women tend to increase their words when they are upset.”
The Smalleys also shared the four greatest relational skills to overcome the four germs: honor, talk, fighting negative thinking, and constantly recharging your mate’s battery through love.
Jane and Hilton Logan agreed the Smalleys were on track with their seminar. Married for 52 years, the Logans were the couple who had been married the longest at the conference.
Hilton, who teaches the remarrieds class at Shades, said he and his wife came to keep up-to-date with the latest in marriage techniques for their Sunday School class.
Mrs. Logan credits their lasting marriage to “love and being in the Lord.” The Logans, members of Shades since 1955, said when they married and said, “ ‘til death do us part,” they meant it.
Stacey Pickering, minister of young marrieds and director of counseling at Shades, helped organize the conference, which was attended by more than 2,000 people from local churches and outside Alabama people.
Pickering said several small groups have been formed since the seminar that are meeting weekly for Bible study and a video series.
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