Once upon a time an unhappy frog lived in the enchanted forest. Year after year the frog stayed in his swampy pond until the day he coaxed a beautiful princess to kiss him. In the twinkling of an eye the ugly frog turned into a handsome prince. Then the beautiful couple married and lived happily ever after.
If you are seriously dating, then you need to distinguish fact from fiction. If you believe marriage will meet all of your needs or miraculously turn your potential marriage partner into a prince or princess then you are living in fantasyland. God’s Word exhorts us to be wise about our expectations for marriage and wise about whom we let into our hearts: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23).
Learn as much as possible
How many couples choose their mates too quickly and then live their lives full of regret? In order to build a strong foundation for marriage, learn as much as possible about yourself, your future mate and God’s purpose for marriage before you tie the knot: “Do you see a man who speaks in haste? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (Prov. 29:20).
Couples who desire to please the Lord already have been given a picture of God’s design for the marital relationship. The Bible tells us marriage is to reflect the sacrificial love Christ has for His bride, the Church. Although the backgrounds of a husband and wife may be different and their expectations may conflict, they can develop unity of heart through mutual submission and godly respect: “Submit one to another out of reverence for Christ. … Each one of you [husbands] also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (Eph. 5:21, 33).
As they prepare for marriage, engaged couples can benefit from the practical advice given during premarital counseling. Ministers and mentors can offer spiritual, financial and emotional guidance to couples to help them prepare for their future together.
It’s important to think of Christian marriage as a covenant agreement in which a man and a woman — both committed to Jesus Christ — are legally, physically and spiritually joined as husband and wife. A covenant is a vow, a pledge, a promise: “When a man makes a vow to the Lord or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said” (Num. 30:2). A covenant that is broken displeases the Lord.
Premarital counseling can help individuals avoid being “tied” to the wrong person. In order to consider marrying, both individuals need to have the same spiritual foundation. Otherwise the marriage may fall apart. Premarital counseling provides a “spiritual checkup” for the engaged couple.
Counseling also can help individuals discover their motives for marriage. Sometimes an individual may wrongly believe marriage will help them find the love, significance and security they need. However, as a Christian one is totally complete in Christ, whether married or single: “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form and you have been given fullness in Christ” (Col. 2:9–10).
Finally premarital counseling can help a couple determine if marriage is right for them. Often couples have second thoughts about marriage, but they feel they are too far along with their plans to turn back. It is never too late to do what is right. No matter what has been said or done, don’t do what is wrong. You are not married until you are married, so everything that precedes the marriage commitment is neither binding nor obligatory. If you are walking down the aisle yet know in your heart that what you are about to do is wrong, then stop. Yes there will be hurt and pain involved but simply say, “God has not given me a peace about this marriage.” It’s better not to marry than to live to regret the decision to marry. Peace will come eventually: “The fruit of righteousness [doing what is right] will be peace; the effect of righteousness will be quietness and confidence forever” (Isa. 32:17).
The most important decision a person can make, apart from accepting Christ as Lord and Savior, is the choice of a lifelong marriage partner. And since no one but God knows the future, the wisest decision we can make is to trust our future into the hands of the Lord and literally be led by His Spirit: “He [the Spirit of truth] will guide you into all truth” (John 16:13).
Editor’s Note — June Hunt is the founder of Hope for the Heart, a worldwide biblical counseling ministry that provides Biblical Counseling Keys, a collection of resources on 100 topics relevant to the Christian life. This article was adapted from the Biblical Counseling Keys publication, “Premarital Counseling: Are You Fit to Be Tied?” For more information about Hunt’s speaking, counseling and radio ministries, visit www.hopefortheheart.org.
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