When author Alyssa Joy Bethke polled her Instagram audience to learn their biggest challenges, there was a common theme — so much pressure to do it all and to be it all right now — and that it was just too much.
Knowing that this wasn’t the life God wanted her and others to live, Bethke started on a journey of healing, of moving from the pressure of being everything to everyone to living a life with a “deep contemplation on the goodness of God.”
What she learned during this time became a book — “When Doing it All is Undoing You.” It’s full of vulnerability and authenticity about how life can beat a person down but how intentional time with God can bring the joy and peace that He promises.
“I think we’re living in that era where there’s so many opportunities for women and I’m so grateful. But the opportunities can quickly become expectations, and so it feels like if you’re not meeting every opportunity then you’re behind or you’re failing in some way,” Bethke said.
Common burden
Many women carry not only their own emotions but others’ as well and feel responsible to make everyone happy. This burden can cause a woman to eventually unravel.
“I couldn’t manage the outcomes that I thought my life should look like, especially in regard to my people — like my friends, my family, my husband. And when there were hardships, no matter what I did, how much I Googled, how much I read, it just wouldn’t fix it,” Bethke continued.
Practices
One of the practices Bethke began was prioritizing silence and solitude — separating from the noise and busyness and making space to process life and get away with God.
Jesus set the example of making time to be with His Father. Even in the midst of constant teaching, ministry and healing, He often got away from the crowds and the noise. However, Bethke recognizes that it still isn’t easy to do.
“If you have the time and maybe even the resources to go away for a weekend or be by yourself in the house for a weekend, that’s amazing. A lot of us don’t have that luxury, but it can be as simple as so many little practices. Maybe in the afternoon you go for a walk for 30 minutes and you don’t bring your phone.
“During those times, really great questions to ask are, ‘God, where have You been present with me today?’ and then even go further. ‘Where have I not felt Your presence?’
One practical tool that Bethke uses as a reminder is the One Minute Pause app created by John Eldredge. The app is based on his books “Get Your Life Back” and “Resilient” and as its website states, it “invites you into the simple practice of releasing everything to God, restoring your union with God and inviting Him to fill you.”
This free app reminds the subscriber twice a day to pause and gives the option to pause for one, three, five or 10 minutes. Thoughtful music and slowly read phrases give time for the listener to meditate on the prayer and Scripture being said.
“One of the sentences that he repeats that I just have been clinging to lately is, ‘Lord, I give You everyone and everything.’ So even just having those moments in your day to kind of stop and breathe and come back to God and say, ‘Lord, I give You everyone and everything.’
“I think that it’s so encouraging because it’s so doable,” she said.
Weekly reflection
Another tool a professor shared with Bethke is called a weekly reflection. Bethke makes a bullet list in her journal every Saturday where she notes the glad, sad, dream and dread moments of the past week.
The world is full of titles like “Five Steps to Freedom,” “Three Steps to Your Best Body” or “10 Steps to Success.” But this isn’t a formula. Instead of simply making her lists, she also brings those concerns to God.
For example, if there’s something she is really sad about, she’ll bring it to God to hear His empathy and compassion about the issue. If there is something she is really dreading, she’ll pray about it and give it to God.
Sharing
Though Bethke grew up journaling and it feels very natural for her to write in order to process life, sharing it is more difficult.
“Of course, sometimes you feel like you’re going to throw up because you think, ‘Wow, that’s really vulnerable. I don’t know if people will connect. What are they going to think?’
“But then when you just know in your heart — no, this is the story, this is what God is wanting me to share. And then when you hear someone else say, ‘Wow, that really spoke to me,’ or ‘You’re giving words to my pain,’ it’s so worth it.
“I feel like I’m having to preach that to myself like every day whether it’s motherhood or being an author or so many areas where I’m tempted to put my identity and value and worth. Just realizing I’m so grateful to partner with God. We are made to work. We’re made to do good things. But our value and worth come from being His child, and the most important thing about us is the person we become — our transformed self.”
“When Doing it All is Undoing You” is available on Amazon and from other booksellers. Find out more about Bethke at www.jeffandalyssa.com.
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