Awaiting the birth of a child is an exciting, joyful time for a couple. As they anticipate the arrival of the new bundle of joy, however, they should also spend the pregnancy months preparing for the changes he or she will bring.
And preparations go much further than setting up the nursery.
Day care and babysitters need to be lined up ahead of time, said Jean Cullen, a licensed clinical social worker and national trainer with Great Kids Inc.
“Some moms get surprised by post-partum depression,” said Cullen, whose husband, Lon, is pastor of First Baptist Church, Vincent.
Cullen said the depression may not show up for three months, she noted. But when it does hit, it is difficult for the mother to line up resources in that frame of mind.
Ready for changes
Financial changes, stress and fatigue due to lack of sleep also come with new babies and should be realized early so the parents can be prepared.
“Babies just make a big splash in the family system,” said Dan Sandifer-Stech, associate professor of human development and family studies at Samford University.
“And the wake goes out in all directions,” Sandifer-Stech added.
Those ripples “test or put pressure on your communication style as a couple,” he explained. There are more decisions to be made quickly and more matters to discuss.
However, there is less uninterrupted time away from daily chores in which to do this.
Plus, couples feel less energetic, resulting from a decrease in sleep time. Therefore, they are more impatient and less likely to communicate.
One way to decrease the stress level is to be organized.
“Organization is the key,” said Eva Arnold, a labor and delivery nurse at Brookwood Medical Center in Birmingham.
She said that means taking care of everything possible the night before to cut down on the morning rush.
It also means creating opportunities here and there to get away and just be a couple for a little while, Arnold noted. The husband and wife need that time to revitalize, she said.
Parents of four children, Paul Murphy, pastor of First Baptist Church, Arab, and his wife, Debbie, note the importance of planning ahead for family and/or church members to help with the new baby.
It is a time the mother may feel isolated, said Mrs. Murphy.
And the husband may not realize the magnitude of her isolation because his schedule does not change as much as hers, Murphy noted.
Cecilia Raley, southeastern area director of the Alabama Baptist Children’s Home (ABCH) in Dothan, added husbands may also experience jealously during this time.
“Those are very natural feelings,” she said. “But sometimes, they don’t know what to do with them.”
The husband and wife must recommit to one another as a couple instead of sacrificing their relationship, Marshall said. This should be done at the beginning, when the baby first arrives, he noted.
Seek solid marriage
The best thing for the child, Marshall continued, is for the parents to have a solid marriage and not one where they want to get their way all the time.
“When you become a parent,” he said, “one of the priorities that has to change is you have to become less self-centered,” he said.
One of the best buffers to the stressors that come about is having realistic expectations, said Sandifer-Stech.
Throw the romantic ideas out the window, he said. Though they sound nice, holding onto them will only cause stress and disappointment.
A realistic plan is not worrying if the house is a little messy, Arnold advocates.
Raley agrees it is OK not to be perfect anymore. Flexibility is the key, she said.
The most important asset for a family is to make a commitment to enjoy each person, Marshall said.
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