By Tal Prince
This week, we take on one of the fastest-growing battles in the arena of sexual struggles — homosexuality. There are not many issues that can cause more alarm — or division — in the church today. We need to remember that God’s Word says in 1 Corinthians 12:26 that if one member suffers, all suffer.
Last September, I spoke to a national conference of approximately 1,200 Christian college students. On the first night, each student was handed a 3-by-5 card. The girls received pink cards, and the boys received blue cards. At the end of my message, I asked them to please write out their deepest, darkest secret struggle so that I could be in prayer for them. I also wanted them to see that none of them was alone.
I took the box of cards back to my room and began to separate them. There on the floor were stacks and stacks of pink and blue cards. As I began to read through the cards, I began to weep over the lives represented by each card.
A pattern quickly emerged that shocked me — and believe me, that is not easy to do. More than 40 percent of these precious students wrote that they were struggling with homosexuality or, at least, bisexual experimentation. That is more than 400 students at this one conference. In the time since that conference, I have noticed a steadily increasing flow of appointments concerning struggles with homosexuality.
Are you surprised?
There is great debate in our world as to whether homosexuality is genetic. We spend a great deal of time getting drawn into this debate on various fronts, but this is not the issue. According to God’s Word, homosexuality is sexual immorality.
We need to be careful with how we approach those caught in this trap. We have demonized them and heaped great shame upon them. Have you seen the signs proclaiming, “God Hates Fags!”?
Remember God does not hate people. He hates their sin but do we think that He is any happier with heterosexual activity outside the confines of marriage? Does He look away? Does He let that pass?
People are struggling with homosexuality inside the church; and “if any members are suffering, we are all suffering.” They need help and our current culture simply does not allow anyone struggling with any sexual sin to ask for help.
We need to be able to speak truth about these issues, but please let us speak with mercy and compassion.
There is not a point scale for sin anywhere in Scripture. There are different consequences but overeating and gossip are just as offensive to God.
Over the past few years, I have spoken with people who struggle with all kinds of sexual issues. These are real people with real struggles and real stories. Few have been more heart wrenching than those struggling with homosexuality. Many of them have survived horrific sexual abuse. Others have deep wounds from their same-sex parent.
They feel guilty about their behavior, but it is shame that drives them. There is a canyon of difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is feeling bad about what you have done; shame is feeling bad about who you are. There is a big difference.
Shame is what drives all addictive behavior. Whether it is alcohol, drugs, sex or food. Shame is the fuel in the addiction engine. We all desire intimacy in this world, but those that feel such a deep sense of shame feel that it is not attainable. They do not feel that they deserve it or that they will ever experience it.
Sex addicts mistake sexual activity for intimacy. Think about it. In our culture today, if you ask people if they have been intimate, what does that mean? Try it. You’ll most likely get slapped, because we believe sex is intimacy in America.
Intimacy is truly being known. It means having someone else know everything about us and love us anyway. Is that not the gospel? Isn’t that just how Jesus loves us? He knows everything about us and He loves us anyway.
Remember the woman at the well? Notice how Jesus deals with her in John 4. She did not feel worthy for Him to even speak to her but He did. He knew her sin yet He spoke to her anyway. He spoke the truth to her but did so with great mercy and compassion. Have we done that?
Notice her response to the intimacy of the gospel in John 4:29, “Come, see a man who told me all that I ever did.” Her life was changed as a result of an intimate conversation with Jesus.
Whether we like it or not, homosexuality is real. It is growing. Members of our body are suffering, so what are we to do?
May I humbly suggest that we take the step of coming out of closets of self-righteousness? May I suggest that we remember that we are all sinners in desperate need of God’s grace and mercy in our lives every second of every day?
It is shame that drives addiction. If we are quick to stone people with shame, are we not contributing to their struggles?
Are we creating a safe climate in our communities for dialog that includes truth and mercy?
Why should we be afraid to engage sinners in conversation?
How can they be saved if they do not see, hear and experience the gospel?
Steve Amerson and Cary Schmidt wrote these lyrics in their song “This Must Be the Place:”
Souls on the street addicted to sin
Selling themselves to survive
Not understanding the hope they could find
In a place where God’s love is alive
They doubt that they could meet the standards necessary
And fear they’ll find judgment rather than a sanctuary
This must be a place where a broken heart can mend
This must be a place where an outcast finds a friend
For we cannot lift the fallen
If our hands are holding stones
And their sin that seems so great to us
Is no greater than our own
There must come a point where shame meets grace
And this must be the place
So is your church that type of place?
EDITOR’S NOTE – Tal Prince, director of external relations for Samford University’s Beeson Divinity School, leads seminars across the nation on how ministers can be healed from pornography and sexual addictions. He is also founding pastor of Tapestry of Hope, a church in Birmingham that ministers specifically to those struggling with addictions.
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