By Tal Prince
While the topic of pornography and sexual addiction has been rather daunting, there is good news — the gospel of Jesus Christ is truly the cure. If you are suffering with this disease, trust me when I say you can be made well. There is help and there is hope.
Jesus knows that simply modifying our behavior will not work in the long run. Remember the old vaudeville joke in which the man says, “Hey Doc, it hurts when I do this.” The doctor glibly responds, “Well stop doing that.” Is this not what we have done in our communities? Have we not just said, “Well stop doing that” while offering no insight or treatment to what is causing the behavior — the heart?
Changing our behavior will not change our hearts, but the gospel can change our hearts, which will change our behaviors. Paul wrote, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect” (Rom. 12:2).
Step One: The Flame of Intimacy
We have to do battle with sin together. We cannot do it in isolation. We must ignite the flame of intimacy in our churches. We need to be able to boast in our weaknesses as Paul did. We must create a climate in which people feel safe in asking for help with any and all types of problems.
Would the woman caught in adultery feel safe in your church? If not, why not? The fact is that the church is full of adulterers hiding behind masks of respectability, but they want to be free. We must talk about these issues openly and transparently if we want people to be free.
Step Two: Physical Accountability
Once we have set up an environment that understands that there is no point scale for sin, people will feel much safer in talking about their struggles. We can then follow the exhortation of James 5:16, “Confess your sins one to another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
We cannot live without accountability in our lives. I am not talking about meeting for a cup of coffee and not asking any hard questions and then leaving, feeling as if you have had your accountability check.
We have to ask the tough questions, and we have to give transparent answers, as this will lead to transformation.
Why? Because it is the gospel.
We must be proactively accountable as well. This means sharing with our partners when we think we are going to be vulnerable to temptation so that they can pray for us and call to check on us. This is genuinely one of the most rewarding aspects of my accountability relationships. Not doing this is the equivalent of going into combat with no information and then having the nerve to act surprised that we are shot at.
It sounds silly but we do it all the time.
Accountability has to be aggressive and proactive.
Step Three: Internet Accountability
In my ministry, I am astonished at the number of churches that have no accountability software on their computers. For $7.95 per month, you can have all of your Internet activity recorded and sent to your accountability partners. Is your pastor worth that? Are you? This software is available from a number of sites; the one I recommend is Covenant Eyes at www.covenanteyes.com.
Please do not allow your church, or yourself, to have your computers unmonitored. We are incapable of surfing alone.
Filters can be installed that will not allow access to adult sites, and there are also some Internet service providers that restrict access to adult sites.
For those that struggle with chat rooms, there is software available that will record your chats and e-mails and send the transcripts to your accountability partners.
These programs also will usually take pictures of all the Web sites you visit and send them to your partners as well.
I recommend a package called “eBlaster” for this. It is available at www.eblaster.com. It is great for parents, too.
Step Four: Counseling
If your problem has reached the level of addiction, you just cannot get free from it without counseling. If not the toughest addiction to break, it is one of the toughest. Sexual/pornography addiction is very specific and is best treated by a certified sexual addiction therapist.
We can no longer deny the reality of this growing problem. It is rampant. And we have to change how we are handling it.
Ministry is one of the only professions — if not the only profession — that will call for your job if there is any type of moral failure. Do you see the difficult dynamic this sets up? If our ministers are struggling with pornography, and a large percentage of them are, how can they ask for help when they know they will lose their jobs and careers? We need to change the climate in our churches in order to free our leaders and ourselves.
We also can no longer afford to handle these issues quietly and let ministers go to another state or association without getting help. There needs to be accountability in our systems and associations. We need to provide counseling help for these men and women.
The statistics prove to us that we have a problem. The news wire proves to us that we have a problem. Can we really continue to act as if we do not? Can we really continue to act surprised?
Thank you for walking this road with me. It is a road that I walk every day with people all across this country. It is a road that I walked personally, and I know the experience of hiding behind the mask. I also know the fear of letting that mask fall and the exhilarating experience of God’s grace sweeping in to comfort and guide me.
There are far too many in chains, but the gospel can free them. It may not be easy, but we just have to talk about it. Honestly if you will take that first step and start talking, you will find you are not alone. Will you?
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