Psalm 51:6–10; Song of Songs 2:15; Acts 18:24–26; Romans 16:3–5a

Bible Studies for Life
Associate professor of divinity, Beeson Divinity School, Samford University

‘From This Day Forward’
Psalm 51:6–10; Song of Songs 2:15; Acts 18:24–26; Romans 16:3–5a

Confess and Repent
Repentance is certainly one of the most important and most neglected biblical themes. Baptists, who love to offer and hear personal testimonies, display how serious and widespread the loss of repentance among us is when our testimonies fail to mention the word “repentance” at all. Where we once heard believers speak of repentance from sin and faith in Jesus Christ, we now hear vague testimonies about “inviting Jesus into our hearts,” which could mean just about anything one wants it to mean. But if strained, broken and at-risk marriages are to have any hope of healing and vitality, then biblical repentance must be recovered and play a decisive role.

King David, the man after God’s own heart who turned adulterer and conspirator in the plot to murder his lover’s husband, discovered the necessity of repentance the hard way. Sin in marriage, like all sin, is forgivable but only through confession and repentance. Forgiveness of sin is at the heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ, but tolerance of sin has no place whatsoever. If marriage is to make a comeback among us, then it will coincide with genuine recovery of true repentance, characterized by the marks of repentance evident in David’s cries to God (Ps. 51:4, 7, 10).

Catch the Little Foxes
Repentance is necessary after violations and betrayals large and small have occurred inside a marriage. But the protection and nurture of healthy marriages calls for much more meticulous care than reaction to violations already committed. It calls for preventative maintenance. Wise husbands and wives study how to love their spouses. They learn that however helpful general truths and advice regarding marriage might be, each marriage bond is utterly unique in the world and must be treated as such. As helpful as marriage retreats and literature on the subject of the marital relationship undoubtedly are, wise husbands and wives realize that no ready-made blueprint for negotiating the terrain of their marriages exists. Each spouse must study how to love his or her partner in marriage.

Wisdom born of such study will result in catching “the little foxes” spoken of in the Song of Songs. The wise spouse learns to detect the special, often seemingly harmless, little enemies of his or her marriage and takes care to nip them in the bud. An enemy could be the inflammatory word spoken at the wrong time and place, the incendiary facial expression bound to exacerbate an already volatile emotional atmosphere and a thousand other devices of the devil calculated to erode the intimacy, love and trust necessary to any healthy marriage. Let us learn to identify these ticking marital time bombs and study carefully how to disarm them. If we do not, then they will detonate again and again and eventually wreck our marriages beyond repair.

Connect Spiritually
The work of protecting a marriage from its enemies never ends. It requires ongoing vigilance. But the healthiest marriages are not preoccupied with the threat of adultery or the catching of foxes. Their energies are not sapped by defense against marital enemies but with the nurturing of spiritual intimacy and shared spiritual joys. To put it another way, the bonds of marriage need the bond of spiritual friendship if marriage is to reach the great heights of spiritual joy and depths of spiritual love that are possible. Shared spiritual experiences in worship, the Word of God and ministry to others, perhaps especially to other couples, provide strong protection for marriage. Healthy marriages never escape the need for protection against the enemies of the marriage bond, but the most effective defense of marriage over time is a good offense. The most miserable people on earth are those trapped in the jail of preoccupation with their own needs. The same goes for marriage. The best indicator of a healthy marriage is not how seriously and elaborately a couple protects it but how free husband and wife are to serve others outside the marriage, how capable and willing they are to make their marriage a source of service, healing and help to those in need.