It was a bit disappointing and hurtful that I wasn’t asked to help with the event — much less direct it. After all the project fit perfectly in my wheelhouse and I would have been brilliant in the lead spot — or at least in my opinion I would have.
So why would those handing out the assignments not pick me? Surely they didn’t realize what they had done. It had to be an innocent mistake.
I decided to prevent the blunder from happening again by alerting those in charge that I was interested and skilled in that particular area.
‘We’ll keep you in mind’
Right on cue they thanked me for my interest. They said they would definitely keep me in mind for future projects. I walked away feeling good about what must have been amazing communication skills on my part to have worked out everything so quickly and easily.
But when the next opportunity came I was overlooked again. And again. And again.
Then it hit me. The group had worked with me once a few years prior. They had brought me on to assist with a project because of my skill set and had asked me to serve in a support role.
Once the assignment got underway, I looked around and realized we were not working efficiently nor effectively and we could do a lot better job if they would do it my way. I elbowed my way to the top spot, took over the project and completed the assignment.
The end result turned out well as far as quality of the project was concerned; group morale not so much.
Overstepping the role
It may be true I had a higher level of experience and training in the area but that wasn’t the point. I was not selected to be in control of the project. I was asked to serve a support role. When I didn’t honor what I had agreed to do, the group took note and made sure never to invite me to help again.
I’ve also been on the other side of the situation and not appreciated when someone who thought they knew more than I did — even if they did — took over a project that was mine to lead. If I were chosen to manage the project, then those assisting should play the specific roles they were asked to do even if I seem to be missing some important insights, right? Not exactly.
After all a leader should want to be challenged and sharpened by his or her team. That means allowing team members to have the right to make suggestions for improvement. It doesn’t mean the leader has to do all that is suggested, but encouraging feedback and then sincerely listening and considering the concepts suggested help make sure the leader is thinking around all sides of the subject.
At the same time, team members must remember to be respectful of the leader and the leader’s decisions. Discussions, debates and even disagreements can happen while a topic is being decided, but once a decision is made, the team needs to be unified around the decision in order to function smoothly and healthily.
Working with a mismatch
Of course the difficulty comes in a situation when the leader is a mismatch for the project and no one wants to tell him or her. Or when a team member can’t handle not being the one in control and continuously causes issues for the team because he or she won’t cooperate appropriately. And no one wants to tell this person either.
I often wonder why we are so afraid to speak truth to one another. Yes some people make it hard because they are offended easily and end up pouting about it. Others don’t know how to deliver truthful messages with compassion. They only know one style and it cuts deep.
We all should do more self evaluating and determine what we are doing to make people afraid to be honest with us. We also should welcome honest feedback and not be so easily offended.
At the same time we should work harder at sharing (with grace and love) our concerns with those in our lives rather than avoiding them or humoring them with fake responses.
The truth hurts sometimes but it hurts more to discover that someone you trusted didn’t tell you the truth.
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Rashional Extras
“The great enemy to the Lord Jesus Christ in the present day is the conception of practical work that has not come from the New Testament but from the systems of the world in which endless energy and activities are insisted upon, but no private life with God. … In our Lord’s life there was none of the press and rush of tremendous activity that we regard so highly, and the disciple is to be as His Master.”
Oswald Chambers
“My Utmost for His Highest”
“Constructive use of even minimal power makes you a leader worth following.”
Caitlin Estes
Featured speaker September Christian Women’s Leadership Center luncheon in Birmingham
“No disease spreads faster than the disease of me.”
David Jeremiah
Pastor, author, host of Turning Point broadcast ministry
By Thom Rainer
LifeWay Christian Resources
(Excerpts from Thom Rainer’s presentation to the Birmingham Baptist Association Ministers Conference on May 18)
In Zechariah 4 the temple of the Lord has not been built yet, but the foundation has been sitting there for 10 years. It is time to rebuild the house of God and Zerubbabel is the one to lead the effort. He can’t do it in his strength but by the spirit of the triune God.
But just like Zechariah and Zerubbabel, we also face discouragement and obstacles. Many times we also find ourselves like them and at the point of giving up because we face five critical issues.
- Culture — We have a tendency to say the culture is killing us. … Yes culture is shifting … but we have a God who is victorious over all, including culture.
- Change — This is an issue of deep pain for many in our churches. It can cause all kinds of conflict.
- Comfort — Less than half of our members show up for worship on any given weekend. Something has happened in our churches where for many of the members, membership is an entitlement to a country club-type of organization rather than a responsibility to serve the living God. When did it happen where membership shifted to (the mindset that) the church will meet all your needs rather than church membership being, “I will serve, go, give, sacrifice”?
- Crisis — The rate of church closures are at an all-time high and many are barely hanging on.
- Community — Nine out of 10 U.S. churches do not reflect the community in which they are located. If you don’t reflect the community in which you are located you have already become an island in the midst of a community looking for hope.
What if churches said, “We are here not to keep our doors open for the sake of keeping our doors open, but we are here for the community”?
We may be living in the most precarious times in church history, but we are living in the greatest time of opportunity. … We can truly be the metaphorical salt and light.
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