By Carrie Brown McWhorter
The Alabama Baptist
Those in recovery for pornography and sex addiction come from all socioeconomic, racial and religious backgrounds. The one thing most have in common? Their exposure to pornography begins at a young age, often as young as 9 or 10 years old.
What some might see as a rite of passage from youth into adulthood can have disastrous consequences. The addiction results in cycles of sin that destroy families and separate addicts from the love and grace of God, said Traylor Lovvorn, founder of Route 1520, a ministry that provides counseling, group therapy support and resources for men and women who are affected by sex addiction and sexual sin.
Lovvorn may seem like an unlikely leader for an organization that deals with such a messy issue. The former pastor and church planter was called to the ministry in high school, graduated from Samford University in Birmingham and married his college sweetheart, Melody, in 1992.
But Lovvorn was hiding a very big secret during those years — an addiction to pornography and sex that led to the couple’s divorce after 11 years of marriage.
Authentic grace
Separately the Lovvorns spent six years putting the pieces of their broken lives back together and, in the process both discovered authentic grace and healing from the pain of their pasts. They reconciled and remarried in 2008.
The couple now shares their “Perfectly Imperfect” story at marriage and parenting conferences, in a weekly podcast called “Undone Redone” and through the ministry of Route 1520.
As study after study shows the prevalence of pornography in American culture, even among Christians, the church cannot stay silent, Lovvorn said.
“Clinically sex addiction is an intimacy disorder and intimacy cannot be cured in isolation. The church needs to be a safe place where believers can confess their sins and pray in order to be healed,” Lovvorn said.
Healing through weakness
Healing doesn’t come through willpower and effort, however, which is why Route 1520’s recovery model, called Group Now, focuses heavily on creating safe communities where members can connect at weakness.
“We want people to understand that recovery is a messy process because you are dealing with issues of the heart,” Lovvorn said. “We want to create a community where people can experience lasting change, not a quick fix. God changes us in community, and we want to help the local church create a safe community around this issue.”
The Route 1520 process takes time and commitment but it has proven successful in the lives of men like Charles, a member of a Birmingham-area Group Now recovery community for the past several years.
Like many of the men in his group, Charles was exposed to pornography at a young age. In his case it was by some boys on a camping trip during 6th grade.
“I didn’t have a proper perspective on what God teaches and what the Bible says about sexuality. Those guys introduced me to a new area of sexual stimulation that led to a wrong concept of what sex is all about,” Charles said. “So when stressful situations came up, the sexual stimulation was a comfort, an escape. I would get temporary release, but afterwards I felt more shame.”
The cycle of shame continued until his wife finally confronted him, causing Charles to seek help from Route 1520.
“That’s where I really learned that God cared for me even though I had this sin in my life. Counseling and the small group helped me understand grace, to understand that my motivation was to please God, not just to be good. Out of that realization, I really started making some progress,” Charles said.
There are many other men — and increasingly women too — walking the same path as Charles, Lovvorn said. Many don’t realize the seriousness of their addiction until it threatens their marriage or their job. Often their churches have never addressed the issue, which only adds to their shame.
“We can do so much for those struggling in silence with just the language we use from the pulpit,” Lovvorn said. “If we begin to say things like ‘for those of you who are struggling, we’ve got these resources,’ we can begin to plant the seed in the struggler’s mind that maybe the church does understand. Maybe [they’re] not the only one.”
Fear is a major reason the church is reluctant to address issues of sexual integrity, he added. Many pastors and deacons also struggle, and even if they don’t, some are afraid that if they open a discussion on the topic of pornography and sex addiction, their motives will be questioned. Church leaders cannot ignore the problem, however.
Gary Harvey, education pastor at Shades Mountain Baptist Church, Vestavia Hills, in Birmingham Baptist Association, said, “We knew from pastoral counseling that we had couples who were privately dealing with issues of sexual integrity, but it was out of a marriage conference that we really recognized the need for a strategy to get men on a proven path toward healing.”
Shades Mountain began a Group Now community this year. About 14 men come to the group each week, and Harvey expects to see that number grow.
‘Small sampling’
“We are fully aware that those who are coming are only a very small sampling of the men in our church and our community who have this struggle. They’re just the ones brave enough to seek help,” Harvey said.
The reality is that the issue of sexual integrity will continue to be a concern in the church, Harvey said. That’s also the message of Route 1520.
Lovvorn said, “We can look at the prevalence of sex addiction as bad news, but we can also see opportunities to bring the gospel into this need. Churches don’t have to figure it all out themselves. We can effectively minister to men and women caught up in this lifestyle and help restore them. It’s such an opportunity for the gospel.”
For more information about Route 1520 or to contact Traylor Lovvorn, visit www.route1520.com.
For more information about Lovvorn’s response to the Ashley Madison situation, visit www.undoneredone.com.
Share with others: