When a loved one passes on, many older adults face the challenge of learning to live alone — some for the first time. If they were part of a couple, this is a particularly big adjustment. Loneliness may be profound and difficult to overcome.
If you are in this situation, the following are some tips that may help:
– Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that surface, including resentment and frustration. Recognize that there will be good days and bad days, and be extra good to yourself on the bad ones. Prepare a list of things to do on such days — indulgences to give you a lift, as well as tasks or projects to tackle that will give you a sense of satisfaction, such as decluttering various areas of your home.
– Accept the reality of your situation. Don’t dwell on the past, which may foster self-pity and prevent you from moving forward.
– Get out of the house every day.
– Look after your physical health to help ward off depression. Eat nutritious meals, get adequate rest and exercise regularly. This will help ward off depression. Consider joining a dinner club, fitness center or exercise class, which also combats isolation.
– Take up new hobbies
– Cultivate some solitary pastimes, such as doing crossword puzzles, woodworking, gardening, writing or sketching. Learn to enjoy your own company, recognizing that it’s possible to be alone without feeling lonely.
– Sign up for an adult education course or lesson that interests you, such as gourmet cooking, pottery or modern jazz. Check out the programs available at your local recreation center or senior center, as well as educational institutions. Learning something new can boost energy and confidence, and in the process you might make new friends.
– Get involved in your community by volunteering — perhaps with a neighborhood association, church group, charitable cause, political campaign or environmental issue. Or look for a job if you’re able-bodied and finances are a concern.
– Take the initiative in calling friends and relatives to talk or get together. Instead of waiting for invitations, extend them.
– Do nice things for others, especially those who are also going through a difficult time. This takes your mind off your own situation, boosts your self-esteem and strengthens relationships.
– Find at least one person you can talk to openly who will listen and understand. Consider joining a community support group for the bereaved, or an Internet group if it’s hard to get out or you prefer anonymity.
– Write down your thoughts, feelings and experiences in a journal, chronicling your journey of self-discovery and growth.
– Nurture your spirit by meditating, reading something uplifting, listening to soothing music or enjoying nature.
– Turn to your faith for comfort, whether it’s through private prayer, reading the Bible, attending worship more often or talking with your pastor. Pray for guidance and strength in dealing with challenges.
– Take things one day at a time so you don’t get overwhelmed. Plan your days so you don’t have too much free time on your hands.
– If you don’t like coming home to silence, leave the television or radio on when you go out.
– Get a pet. Cats and dogs provide companionship and affection and give you a sense of purpose. Owning a dog also ensures you get out of the house to get exercise, facilitates socialization and offers security.
– If feelings of isolation persist, look into options such as taking in a boarder, sharing accommodations with a relative or friend, relocating to a condominium or apartment in a senior living community or, if your health is frail, moving into a retirement home.
If you were a caregiver and put your personal life on hold, now is the time to re-invest in yourself, resuming former interests or pursuing new ones, nurturing neglected relationships and expanding your social network.
Whether or not your loved one’s death was anticipated, the reality of being on your own may initially seem overwhelming and perhaps frightening. However, with time, patience and trust in God’s grace, you will be able to successfully adapt to your new circumstances. You may even end up growing in ways you could not have imagined.
Editor’s Note — Lisa M. Petsche is a clinical social worker and a freelance writer specializing in health and spiritual matters.
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