Sensitive to Singles

Do you ever think about the fact that Annie Armstrong and Lottie Moon were both single adults? We know these two saints of Baptist missions as the namesakes of the two national mission offerings sponsored by Southern Baptists, but most of us never think of them as single adults.

The Apostle Paul was single and, of course, so was our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Nationally, about 82 million adults are single. That is about 30 percent of the national population. Studies indicate about 14 million of those are widowed. About 20 million are divorced. The rest, about 48 million persons, have never been married.

For many of these, singleness is not a holding pattern where one waits for marriage. Singleness is a chosen lifestyle for them. Some find peace and contentment in singleness just as others find peace and contentment in marriage. For others, singleness is thrust upon them through death or divorce. In this unfamiliar state, they adjust and learn to live all over again.

The church can play a vital role in helping singles learn to live with peace and contentment, especially a church that is sensitive to the feelings of singles.

Being sensitive to singles starts with the messages churches send to singles. Do the messages recognize there is wholeness in the single state, or do the messages imply the single person is partial and incomplete? Do the messages say singles are important and welcome in the church, or do the messages say singles are incidental to the church’s mission?

Traditionally, most Baptist churches have focused on families. Many still do. Church programs and church activities revolve around activities appealing to Mom, Dad, Junior and Sis. Traditional families are in trouble. They need the support and encouragement of the church.

In the process, a church still can be sensitive to singles. It can be as simple as the way Sunday School classes are named. Are the classes “couples classes” or “married between the ages of….?” Such messages may not be inviting to a single adult looking for a Bible study class. They were not for me.

The first Sunday I was physically able to attend church following the accident that claimed the life of  my wife, Eleanor, and sent me to the hospital coincided with the day my church was expanding its Sunday School. The church went from one Sunday School to two. The class we had attended was abolished in the process. I had to find a new class.

The list of classes was long, but those available to me were few. Among the choices were a men’s class and a singles’ class. Most of the classes on the list said “married, ages…..” I crossed those off. I was a widower, a single man. That meant I did not meet the first requirement for class membership, being married.

On the way to one of the classes available to me, a friend from college stopped me and invited me into the class he and his wife attended. I explained that I could not go there because I was not married.

He insisted that being single made no difference and that I should come to that class. I did, and I still do whenever I am not preaching. Being married was not a requirement at all. It was only in the name. In the class now are others who have lost a spouse. Some have been divorced. Some have spouses who work in other parts of the church during the Sunday School hour.

The majority of the people are married, but it is a “co-educational class,” not a “married class.”
Granted, that morning I was not in the fittest emotional shape of my life and my sensitivities were high. But, the fact that other singles have shared how the title “married” or “couples” has been a barrier to them helps me know my reaction was not that unusual.

Such names can convey the unintentional message that singles are partial people, that whole people are married people. Whether married or single, most people want to be treated as people. They want to be welcomed. They want to belong. They want to contribute. They want to be recognized as persons of value.

Singles ministries are important. They help fill social and community needs which singles experience. But dividing the Body of Christ, the local church, into different parts based on one’s marriage status can do more damage than it does good.

People like Annie Armstrong and Lottie Moon demonstrated the contributions singles can make to the kingdom of God. Thousands of single adult Alabama Baptists follow in their trail every day. They faithfully serve in a variety of capacities. Avoiding unintended hurtful messages by the way churches name things is one way of encouraging them in their service for the Lord.

It is more than being politically correct. It is about being sensitive to some of God’s children who happen to be single.