Diagnosed anxiety disorders affect approximately 30% of adults at some time in their lives, and general worry affects almost everyone. Though not as common in children, about 10% of young people also have anxiety disorders, and those with a disability are even more likely to experience high anxiety.
Singer-songwriter and author Jason Gray addresses this in his new children’s book, “Sparrows,” based loosely on his hit song of the same name. “Sparrows” was co-authored by Jes Woller and illustrated by Hilary Griffith.
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“I have a speech handicap, and the protagonist of the story, Ellie, also has a speech handicap that she’s very anxious about being teased at school. The book is about how she’s bullied by her anxiety but also by a classmate named Annabelle.
“When she hears the preacher preach about Matthew in Chapter 10 where Jesus speaks about the sparrows — to look at the sparrows and that if God looks after the sparrows, small as they are, how much more will He look after you? The idea in that verse gives her the tool that she needs to overcome both her anxieties,” Gray said.
Though Gray didn’t realize he was experiencing anxiety until he was an adult, he had an experience as a middle schooler that set up the main scenario in the book.
There was another student in his class who was held back a grade, who was older and bigger than everyone else and who had a rough home life.
“So he was a bully. He was not a happy kid,” Gray remembers.
One day at recess the bully started picking on Gray’s best friend. Gray decided to step in and help his friend.
This led to a shouting match, which the playground attendant didn’t approve of. She sent them both to the principal’s office.
On the way there, Gray told the bully, Robert, “Hey, let me do the talking, and I think I can get us out of this.”
Gray had a good relationship with the principal. They shared a love for Sherlock Holmes, and they would often talk about it. When they arrived at the office, Gray “smooth talked” his way out of punishment for both of them by saying they were just horsing around.
Robert never picked on Gray’s friend or Gray again. Though they never became friends, they were also no longer adversaries. There was a newfound respect — or at least an understanding — between them after that.
Trying to control
Gray’s 2016 song “Sparrows” was also based on his experiences as he began to recognize his own issue with anxiety.
After reading a book about the issue, Gray thought that he should write more songs about dealing with it for those “poor people who struggle with anxiety.”
“As I came to realize my own struggle with anxiety, I became aware of how most everybody was dealing with it on some level, right?”
Gray learned that people try to control their anxiety by controlling other people and situations.
“But as we learn how to hand that all over to God and to trust Him with it, it can restore a childlike sense of wonder and hope. So when I wrote the song, I wanted to have as the motif a very childlike kind of melody,” he said.
In order to accomplish this, he has children singing on the soundtrack. Because children were part of the “song’s DNA,” Gray knew then that one day he would make a children’s book about it.
Unfortunately, anxiety about stuttering increases the chances of stuttering. It happens because the person specifically tries not to let it happen. Gray said that a stutterer’s worst word is their own name because it’s usually spoken when introducing themselves to someone new.
“So much of my anxiety is triggered by the ways that I am trying to control things to protect myself from anxiety. The more I try to control things, the more it makes me aware of the fact that I can’t control anything.
“Surrender and holding everything in my life with an open hand combined with trust — that’s usually the antidote to my anxiety,” Gray said.
Singing
Though he still has a stutter, it doesn’t affect his singing. He explained that stuttering is caused by a misfire in a person’s brain that doesn’t allow them to breathe properly when talking.
When singing, proper breathing is necessary so there’s no stuttering.
Early in his life, Gray noticed this and realized that one option was to sing everything instead of speaking.
“But that would be even more awkward than the actual speech handicap. So I’d better stick with the speech handicap,” Gray said, laughing.
Gray has been able to accept this handicap partially because of what his first mentor told him once — “I don’t trust anybody who hasn’t been broken.”
“Stuttering provided an early opportunity for suffering and pain in my life that I think I imagine the Lord used to establish compassion and empathy in me, I would like to think. I hope that this is true of me.
One interesting part of the book is that there is a sparrow on every page. Gray said that it’s “like an Easter egg hunt” for those reading it. To learn more about Gray, his music and his tours and to buy “Sparrows,” go to www.JasonGrayMusic.com.
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