The role of parenting is a God-given ministry, not a genetic accident. That’s what Rod Marshall, director of counseling for the Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries in Birmingham, believes.
And Ephesians 6:4 provides a foundation for this belief, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
It is a ministry that experts say starts early and is not to be take lightly. And it’s one that gives children a solid foundation, helping them to fare better in the storms that come up later in life.
They tend to have more success in school, a better relationship with parents and less delinquent behavior, pointed out Dr. Dan Sandifer-Stech, associate professor of human development and family studies at Samford University.
Family prayer
The first moments of the child’s life is the best time to start. Jean Cullen, a licensed clinical social worker and national trainer for Great Kids, Inc., suggests praying over the child immediately after he or she is born. When the baby arrives home from the hospital, she recommends involving any other children in the family in praying over the baby.
From the first weeks of a baby’s life, parents can establish the habit of going to church, noted Cullen, whose husband, Lon, is pastor of First Baptist Church, Vincent. Even young babies will begin to associate warmth and security with being in the church nursery. “Those are their first impression of God.”
Other experts agree, saying raising children in a healthy Christian relationship requires a commitment of the parents.
One way to head in the right direction is to participate in a baby dedication service. During this service, the church family makes a commitment to be prayerfully supportive of the family; the parents make a commitment to the church to have a Christian home.
Parenting is the most important and most exhausting job, said Marshall. And it’s much too big to do alone. Therefore, it is best to have the support of the church, mentors, training and child-care opportunities there.
He said parents should find a church that is child-friendly and allows youngsters to have an active part in services. He, too, stresses the need to pray over children, as well as to seek out prayer warriors in the church family who will do the same.
Paul Murphy, pastor of First Baptist Church, Arab, said his four children have known nothing else but to be in church. “They need God’s Word and that moral direction.”
Having that relationship has been beneficial both to the children and to him and his wife, Debbie. His children have been networked with good Christian people at church. The Murphys have received encouragement, support and advice on child rearing from members of the church family, as well as resources by James Dobson of Focus on the Family.
Dobson has authored numerous books on child rearing, such as “Dare to Discipline” and “The Strong-Willed Child.”
Murphy said he also has found practical wisdom in the book of Proverbs and insight through the resources of John MacArthur.
Mrs. Murphy believes the book, “Children Are Wet Cement” by Anne Ortlund, has helped her know how to parent in various stages in the lives of her children.
Cullen has found a wealth of knowledge in “Five Love Languages of Children,” by Gary Chapman and R. Campbell.
Sandifer-Stech noted there are many books about spirituality and faith of children and prayer.
He conducts chapel services each Friday morning at the Children’s Learning Center, Samford University’s day care. Although it takes only about 10 minutes, there is singing, prayer and candle-lighting. It is a time of being quiet, still and listening.
Mealtimes are a particularly good forum for discussing issues and using the Bible to help solve problems, said Alex Bowden, minister of education at Twelfth Street Baptist Church, Gadsden. He emphasized the importance of using the Bible in teachable moments.
He uses it to lead chapel services each week at the church’s kindergarten and day care.
The frequent and open use of the God’s Word every day is one of the many reasons Jean Wills, also of Twelfth Street Baptist, encourages parents to seek out a church day care and kindergarten.
“Our goal is to assist parents in being Bible-centered,” said Wills, who has been Twelfth Street’s kindergarten and day care director for 26 years.
Not only do church-based day care facilities try to teach children about God, but the pastors and staff also are available to help parents with issues that may arise, she said.
Although all these support systems are important, the most effective tools for bringing up children in the Lord are the parents themselves, the experts say.
Parents teach by example, said Jeffrey Stotik, assistant professor of sociology at the University of Mobile. “Kids pick up a lot from that.”
Marshall concurs. Parents, he said, are automatic role models — whether good or bad. And the parents must examine themselves, realizing their children will be about as spiritual as the parents are.
This means talking about God at times other than the blessing at meals. It means singing songs about the Lord.
It means having family and individual devotionals. It means calling out the child’s name in prayer and praying at special occasions like birthdays.
It means openly admitting some sins and asking for God’s forgiveness. It means the parents let the children see them apply Scripture to their own lives and the situations they face.
It means parents have their priorities in order: 1) their relationship with the Lord; 2) their spouse and 3) their children.
When these things occur, the children see that Christianity is not something pulled out of a hatbox on Sunday mornings, said Cecilia Raley, southeastern area director for the Alabama Baptist Children’s Homes and Family Ministries in Dothan.
“You’re not going to talk them into something you’re not doing.”
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