Have you ever had two friends who just could not get along?
Or maybe it was a spouse and a child. Or maybe it was two co-workers. It always seemed as if the two of them could not find peace in their relationship.
If that relationship was like most relationships, then one person or both of them probably came to you eventually to share about the frustration. You may have listened, tried to understand and be empathetic and perhaps even tried to explain the other person’s perspective. You tried to create peace.
Then it happened. One person asked you to either speak to the other person or do something about the problem.
This happened to me in a job years ago. I was supervising a group of social workers. Two of them could not get along, and during supervision, they would both share their frustrations. Then they asked me to do something about the situation.
Since we were a team, it was important to me to keep peace among the members. I was also the supervisor, so I thought it was my role.
I did intervene and the result was typical of anytime we insert ourselves in the middle of someone else’s strained relationship.
First, because I did not side with either one, neither was happy with my solution. Then they both were frustrated because I had become involved in something they no longer saw as my business.
Next I had to deal with estrangement from both of them. So not only did their relationship continue to suffer but my relationships with the two of them also suffered. I got in the middle.
The funny thing is that we repeat this cycle over and over again. We so desperately want peace and understanding between the people we care about that we, too often, get in the middle. The result of this inevitably becomes strained relationships with us and continued tension in the relationship between the people we are trying to help.
The best way we can help is to listen and be empathetic but refuse to get involved.
Encourage those involved to talk to each other. Remember God made us to be in relationship with each other.
It is never our place to stand in the middle of two people so they can have a relationship. That is their responsibility and it will never occur unless they make it occur.
A Takeaway Value …
Peace in a relationship can be established only by the two people in the relationship.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Jean Roberson, MSW, LCSW, is a ministry consultant for national Woman’s Missionary Union. She serves as team leader for the adult team and director of Christian Women’s Job Corps/Christian Men’s Job Corps and International Initiatives.
Share with others: