Survival is an innate nature LeAnn Nequette believes exists in most people. But Nequette, a counselor with the Crisis Center in Birmingham, said some individuals become consumed by demands of life. Ultimately, they choose what is often described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Suicide.
“It’s not so much that they want to end their life or get away from life, but it’s more they want to escape their pain,” she said.
Suicidal individuals are led to take drastic measures after finding themselves in what she paints as “a very isolated and lonely place.
“Part of our role is to help them determine what is their source of pain and what can be done to confront it and maybe alleviate it,” she said.
For some, feelings of isolation may culminate in someone’s taking his or her life.
While someone who is suicidal may in reality have family and friends, a counselor in Mobile said they often lose sight that others could help them.
“They feel that they have no support system,” said Chandra Brown, executive director of Contact Mobile. “And they feel dying is the only option. They feel that they have nothing to lose.”
Brown adds someone who is suicidal may believe his or her death will help others, rationalizing others would be better off if he or she were gone.
But Brown said making them realize others do care is one of the primary means of convincing someone not to take his or her life.
“We try to take them from the emotional realm to the logical realm,” she said.
Discussing family, friends, pets — even plants — are important in making people realize others depend on them, according to Brown. She said counselors try to make callers to the center’s crisis line see how much pain they would cause others by taking their life.
A lot of times, a suicide attempt will follow a loss of some kind in a relationship, job or a family member, Nequette said. “A lot of times, it’s a sudden loss,” she noted.
Warning signs
Along with a sudden loss, Brown also cites individuals who seem to be overwhelmed with life, those who are mentally ill and patients with terminal illnesses.
“I would be aware of someone who is in a deep depression,” Brown said. Individuals who are deeply depressed are more likely to take their lives when they come out of the depression because they suddenly have more energy, she added.
Agreeing that those who commit suicide often suffer from depression, Martha Bosworth, program manager of Crisis Services of North Alabama in Huntsville, said their judgment is subsequently faulted.
“It (depression) sort of puts a cloud over your whole view of life,” she said.
Bosworth said someone who is suicidal sees no hope for problems that could be overcome.
Those who commit suicide also leave grieving survivors with a mystery.
“From the surface (suicide) doesn’t make sense,” Nequette said. “And part of the reason it doesn’t is because you can’t get inside his head and find out what he was thinking at the time.
“There are so many pieces of the puzzle that you’re not sure about and that’s the hard part,” Nequette said. “Because, ultimately, the person that dies by suicide takes the reasons with them, so there’s no way of knowing.”
“I’ve said every time we ever talk about it, I don’t think that they want to be gone forever,” said Dean Hefner, whose father killed himself Oct. 20, 1999, when he was 60. “I think they want to just fix what’s wrong with them.”
Bosworth advises listening to clues a family member or friend may be sending out that they are considering taking his or her life.
“Suicide’s still not a socially taboo thing to talk about,” Bosworth said, stressing that experts believe there are often clues.
When those clues are detected, she said the individual should be confronted as if they are contemplating suicide.
“Once you ask, you’ve got to evaluate the answer you get,” Bosworth said.
She said a “yes” answer means there is reason for concern, adding even if the answer is no, the friend should be allowed to discuss what is bothering them.
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