By Willie Brunetti
Special to The Alabama Baptist
Where do you find strength when your world is falling apart? Where can you find wisdom when there are no rational answers to what is happening at the moment?
When we ask these questions, we are trying to find meaning in our suffering and even our life experience. Nothing quite prepares us for the unpredictable world of caregiving. Caregiving will challenge our beliefs and our faith in ways that we probably cannot imagine.
As the turmoil begins, we begin to ask why and what if. Both the caregiver and the care recipient need to be refreshed with the spiritual water that only Christ can give: “Jesus said, ‘Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again — ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well of water springing up within him for eternal life.’” (John 4:13–14)
Care recipient needs
First, let’s talk about the needs of our care recipients. They often have difficulty maintaining a spiritual life because of the aging process. As their caregivers, we need to be aware of their spiritual needs. Like all Christians, seniors need the fellowship and encouragement of other believers. Faith that is not nourished stagnates. Unfortunately, many of our seniors have lost their mobility and are unable to maintain a relationship with the church and the nurturing of their faith.
Many of our parents have grown up in church, and it was and is a vital part of their lives. They need the comfort and familiarity of church in their lives. One of the spiritual tasks of late life is to draw meaning and purpose out of why and how one has lived. Our parents begin to reflect on their lives and their contributions to our world.
Aging can produce a roller coaster effect to their daily lives as they ponder their past and look to the future. A strong spiritual background can help bring our parents through the turmoil of aging. They ask: “Will I be remembered?” “Will my life be honored?” “Will my living and even my dying make a difference?”
As a caregiver, your sensitivity to your parent’s need for spiritual support can provide comfort and stability in a time of uncertainty and change. There are some obstacles to their continued growth in the church. Some are too feeble to get to church. As their friends die or move away, they may lose their connection to the community of faith. Failing eyesight and hearing can make it difficult to worship. They may become embarrassed by their condition and need encouragement from you for support.
When your parents can’t get to church as frequently as they want or can’t get there at all, find some creative ways to bring the church home to them. Request home visits. Contact your pastor or a lay leader and see if they can periodically stop and spend some time with your parent. Watch the churches worship services on the internet or TV. Provide an audio version of the Bible or literature for their study. A daily prayer time with your parent can help resolve feelings of anger, fear and guilt. It can reduce tension, unleash love and create hope and can renew the family’s spirit.
Offer a presence, prayer, the Word of God, a gentle touch and a message of hope. Through it all, the Holy Spirit works through our efforts to glorify God and to bring you and your loved one into the presence of God.
Caregiver needs
Spiritual health is also vital to the caregiver. Your faith has the power to transform and change your perspective, values and behavior. A strong reliance on God will help ease the stress of caregiving. It will also make it easier to support and meet the needs of your loved one.
Your faith can be your anchor and support when the meaning of what is happening in the moment escapes you. There may come a time when the only hope you have left is the hope you have in Christ.
Your faith is the best way to manage the day-to-day stress of caregiving, including witnessing the decline of your parent’s abilities. Trying to make sense of the aging process and coping with the loss of health of your parent or spouse can lead to many questions.
How do you maintain your sanity?
Nurture your faith through prayer, both private and corporate. Maintain a quiet time where you read your Bible and talk with God about your circumstances. Just getting alone with God, if only for a little while will help maintain your strength and sanity. Keep a relationship with friends and fellow Christians. Often as caregivers become less and less active in the church, they become invisible and fall from the memory of the congregation. Keep the doors open by finding friends that you can talk openly with and share your heart.
Carry the Word with your through periodic Bible study. Practice thankfulness. Don’t take yourself too seriously — laugh a little. Count your blessings.
In an attempt to find hope when there is no hope, remember this important truth: Your faith can be an anchor of support when the meaning of what is happening in the moment appears hopeless.
EDITOR’S NOTE — Willie Brunetti has a long history of being a family caregiver and leads seminars on the topic. He is a retired Air Force officer and holds a doctor of educational ministry from New Orleans Seminary. He is a member of First Baptist Church Meridianville, Alabama.
Share with others: