What pastors whish church members knew
Church members often perceive pastors to be perfect but they aren’t. They are human just like the rest of us. They, too, experience life’s inevitable problems and feel the need for love and understanding.
“I’m a person with some of the same fears and desires my church members have,” stated one pastor. “Even though I’m not perfect, I still want to be loved by them. I wish they wouldn’t expect perfection from me and would forgive me when I make mistakes in judgment.”
Another said, “I’m fallible, imperfect and human just like everyone else. I have struggles with my family and people I really don’t like.”
Today’s pastors are not “bulletproof.” They admit they are called by God and love their ministries but have human limitations. “I’m just a regular guy who has the call of God on his life to be a pastor,” one pastor said.
Many pastors are also lonely. How could a pastor — surrounded by a congregation of hundreds, even thousands, of people — be lonely?
Many pastors today admit they don’t have genuine friendships. One pastor stated, “I wish my members knew how friendless I am. I don’t have a single person in the city of my pastorate who I can expose my heart to or have an in-depth conversation with.”
Some pastors confess they live in the “wilderness of loneliness” and that “loneliness is a significant issue” for them. A recent study claims that 70 percent of pastors do not have someone they consider a close friend. Other pastors feel isolated from their church members. They feel as if they “don’t fit in” with the congregation. One pastor explained, “I need to feel like I’m a part of the church family, not just a hired hand expendable at will.”
Some pastors keep their inadequacies hidden for fear they might lose the congregation’s confidence. A pastor admitted, “It sounds ridiculous but I’m sometimes afraid my church members will see how inexperienced I am in certain areas. If they knew, they might step in and exert control over me rather than work with me and support my weaknesses with their strength[s].”
The late counselor Dr. Louis McBurney stated, “A majority of pastors … cited ‘lack of emotional intimacy with others’ as the main factor in their decision to seek counseling. … The expectations people have of pastors to always have answers and be competent to do almost anything just tends to shut pastors out from being open about who they are with somebody else.”
Want to help your pastor?
• Make an effort to befriend your pastor. Invite him to lunch or dinner with your family.
• Listen to your pastor when he needs to talk, but keep his conversation in confidence.
• Realize your pastor is not perfect. Give him needed understanding and grace. Never criticize his imperfections.
• Be available to your pastor when he experiences a personal problem. Let him know you are there to help him if he needs you.
• Be careful what expectations you place on your pastor. Be willing to serve beside him.
• Affirm your pastor as a valuable and effective spiritual leader.
Denise George is the author of ‘What Pastors Wish Church Members Knew’ and numerous other books. Denise and her husband, Timothy George (founding dean of Beeson Divinity School), are members of Shades Mountain Baptist Church. For more information, visit www.authordenisegeorge.com.
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