Who Is Praying for the Pastor’s Family?

If the question posed in the title of this piece were “Who is talking about the pastor and his family?” honesty would require numerous positive responses. Talking about the pastor and the pastor’s family has bordered on a parlor sport among Baptists for a long time.

Sometimes the conversations are positive. Sometimes they turn overtly hostile. Most of the time the talk is more nitpicky than anything else. Small items become an opportunity for expressing one’s own disagreement, disappointment, uncomfortableness or some other similar emotion with the pastor or the pastor’s family.

It is amazing how many times church members assure a pastor they want him to lead, and when he attempts to do so, he is met with nitpicky responses. It is not long before the pastor feels like Gulliver in Jonathan Swift’s classic novel “Gulliver’s Travels.” The Englishman, Gulliver, was washed up on a distant shore following a shipwreck. There he was captured by Lilliputians, small little beings no larger than the size of his hand. The Lilliputians succeeded in capturing the giant Gulliver by tying him down with so many little strings that he could not move.

One can only wonder how many pastors have felt their spiritual strength and energy “tied down” by so many nitpicky strings laid across them week after week that they cannot move.

One also wonders how different the situation would have been had members devoted as much time praying for their pastor and his family as they did nitpicking. Pastors need the spiritual strength gained when people pray for them. Pastors need the spiritual intervention of prayer support to fight sinful temptation on the one hand and the tendency to become absorbed in the demands of the church on the other.

The pastor’s family needs prayer support also. How many times has a pastor’s wife wanted an evening with her husband only to end up with him not there? He may not be there physically because of emergencies at the church. He may not be there emotionally because of concerns about the church. Either way, the pastor’s wife faces disappointment that, over time, can lead to loss of hope.

In a recent interview, a prominent religious leader commented that sometimes preachers’ kids get in trouble because their father is so busy caring for the needs of others, he does not have time to care for the needs of his own children. How tragic, but how true.

Who is helping the pastor learn to balance the demands of the church with the demands of his family? Who is praying for the pastor and his family?

The pastor is the leader of the church. He is the catalyst that is supposed to make things happen. He is held accountable when things do not happen. That is a heavy load. Who is praying for the spiritual strength of the pastor, for his sensitivity and understanding?

Who is praying for the loneliness felt by most pastors and their wives? The pastor cares for the concerns of the church. He knows the secrets of many church families. He represents God’s care, steadfastness and forgiveness.

With whom does the pastor’s family share hurts and secrets? With whom do they share their hopes and their dreams? Most cannot share them with church members. Most will not share them with neighboring pastors. The parsonage can be a lonely place. It can be frequented with callers, but who is loving the pastor and his family unconditionally? Who is representing Godlike love to them? Who is loving the pastor and family enough to be prayer warriors in their behalf?

Neither pastors nor family members of pastors are always right. They will make bad decisions. They will fail. They are human. Most want to serve God and to serve God’s people. Most feel directed by God into pastoral ministry. Their motivation is not selfishness but obedience to God and concern for God’s people. Every pastor needs regular input from church members. Sometimes pastors need correction. Both are more openly received when they come from those who the pastor knows love him and regularly pray for him.

Pastors and their families need members praying for them, not nitpicking. Pastors and their families need members who empower them in God’s service, not tie them down with criticism. Pastors and their families need to know they are surrounded by a people committed to regular, unceasing prayer in their behalf.