Words, acts of appreciation can help spiritual leaders thrive, not just survive

So this is the pastorate? Is this the ministry?

To be misunderstood, unappreciated, alone and misquoted with no hope of correction?

This is a painful, lonely business.

That lament was a journal entry made by Pastor David Fisher shortly after he began ministry. Fortunately Fisher, author of “The 21st Century Pastor,” weathered that difficult time. But other clergy are not as fortunate. Recent polls reveal high level dissatisfaction and discouragement among the clergy, so much so that

• 1,700 pastors leave ministry every month, an annual exodus of more than 20,000 clergy;
• 50 percent of starting clergy quit within five years;
• 90 percent of clergy say the actual ministry is far different from what they thought it would be prior to entering it; and
• 50 percent feel so discouraged they would leave ministry if they could but they have no other way of making a living.

Yet there is an antidote that can empower pastors to thrive rather than merely survive ministry, and that antidote is simply the positive power of encouragement. This is, in fact, what the Bible teaches: “And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you. … Overwhelm them with appreciation and love” (1 Thess. 5:12–13).

Here are 10 ways you can encourage your minister:

1. Cut the criticism. Clergy are very easy targets because they are the public face of the church. And for the clergy, the criticism is like an endless army marching relentlessly attacking him. Clergy are criticized for sermons that are too long, too short or too boring or strike too close to home. They are faulted for lack of growth, for failure to meet budgets, for inability to be all things to all people. Do your part by dropping all criticism. Consider this lesson via Fred Rogers, known to children worldwide for his television program, “Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.” Rogers, an ordained minister, told of the time when he was a seminary student and attended a different church each Sunday in order to hear a variety of preachers. One Sunday, he listened to what he thought was “the most poorly crafted sermon” he had ever heard in his life.

However, when he turned to a friend who accompanied him, he found her in tears. “It was exactly what I needed to hear,” she told Rogers. “That’s when I realized that the space between someone doing the best he or she can and someone in need is holy ground,” Rogers said. “The Holy Spirit had transformed that feeble sermon for her — and as it turned out, for me, too.”

2. Speak well of your pastor. When talking about your minister, speak only in positives. If something in the sermon inspired you, then share that with another church member. When you learn the pastor has been helpful to others in the community, make it a point to commend him publicly at a board or committee meeting. And when you hear negativity expressed about a pastor, come to his defense. Often simple responses like these can shut down criticisms: “I don’t see it that way,” “I appreciate what the pastor is trying to do,” “I am supportive of our pastor’s ideas.” Take seriously (and remind others of) the words of the Bible: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up” (Eph. 4:29).
3. Show your appreciation. One woman has a unique way of doing this and says there are two “really easy” ways of showing a pastor your appreciation. “One, sit up front with your family. If you invite friends, have them sit with you in front as well. This will show him both your support and interest. Secondly, take notes when he speaks. Again, this will let him see how much you value his wisdom.”
4. Speak your appreciation. Remember Mark Twain’s comment: “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Tell your pastor how much you appreciate him. Your words have the power to dispel discouragement.

Author Joyce Rupp tells of a minister who had been experiencing long bouts of depression because of seeming lack of success in his ministry. One day, he visited a woman who was very ill. As the visit concluded and he was preparing to leave the room, she spoke to him, saying, “You have been such an important person in my life.  I want you to know that I have great love for you.” Those kind, complimentary words penetrated his depression. The minister told Rupp by the time he reached his office, he could sense that a new spirit was emerging from within. During the next several weeks, his depression lifted and he experienced rejuvenation in his life and ministry.

5. Put your appreciating in writing. One of the most fascinating exhibits in the Library of Congress is a display of the personal effects found on Abraham Lincoln the night he was shot. Those include a small handkerchief embroidered with A. Lincoln, a country boy’s pocketknife, a spectacle case repaired with cotton string, a Confederate $5 bill and a nearly worn-out newspaper clipping praising his accomplishments as president. The newspaper story begins with this sentence: “Abe Lincoln is one of the greatest statesmen of all time.”

Clearly that clipping was an important source of affirmation for President Lincoln. Put your encouragement into writing, and mail it or e-mail it to your pastor. That way, he, like Lincoln, can put in his pocket and pull out from time to time and re-read, drawing new strength for the day.

6. Respect office hours. Of course, the clergy understand they are on call 24/7. However, that applies to emergency situations. As much as possible, follow normal office hours when seeking to speak with the minister. One pastor’s wife laments trivial late night phone calls that come to her pastor husband. “Just this week — and this happens all too often — we were both home in the evening enjoying a rare evening together. Then at 9:45 p.m. the phone rang. Of course my husband answered it, after all, it could be an emergency,” she explains. “However, it was just a chatty church member with a lot of time on his hands who wanted to pass on a ‘thought’ to my husband. Could that not have waited until he was in his office at 8:30 the next morning? There are too many calls like that for us.”

In addition to respecting church office hours, add to that respect for your pastor’s day off. Unless it’s a true emergency, never call him on a day off. Postpone the call for a workday.

7. Recognize signs of ministry burnout. In his book, “The Effective Minister,” Michael Cavanagh cites the following as some signs of ministry burnout:
   decreasing interest in daily work and overall ministry;
   decreasing energy to perform tasks that were once relatively easy to perform;
   • increasing cynicism and pessimism;
   • increasing behavioral symptoms of anxiety: tuning out people, trouble listening to people, cutting appointment short;
   • increasing physical symptoms of anxiety: tension headaches, high blood pressure, insomnia, chronic fatigue, undiagnosable complaints;
   • decreasing feelings of renewal after experiences that were once revitalizing such as enjoying a day off.

Be on the alert for these as they are signs that the pastor’s health and ministry is in danger.

8. Respond to signs of ministry burnout. There are two effective ways of doing this: First, if you have a strong, friendly bond with your pastor, ask him how he is feeling personally and professionally. Then, permit him to share his feelings. Allow him to speak frankly openly and honestly. Assure him of both your friendship and confidentiality. Don’t judge anything you hear but do listen with compassion and kindness. Secondly, if you sense your pastor is suffering from ministry burnout, sensitively work with other church members to ease the burden by providing some extended time off.
9. Bless your minister with material gifts. This was something the apostle Paul found greatly encouraging. He wrote these words of thanks: “It was good of you to share in my troubles … you sent me aid again and again when I was in need” (Phil. 4:14, 16). Material gifts don’t need to be lavish: a subscription to a magazine, a gift card to a restaurant or coffee shop, tickets for a concert or sporting event. One pastor was surprised and delighted upon learning that a parishioner paid his health club membership for a new year.
10. Pray for your minister. These are some specific areas for your prayers:
    For insight into sacred texts and application to daily living;
    • For a balanced vision, one that focuses not only upon external church growth but internal spiritual growth of individual people;
    • For perseverance through times of discouragement;
    • For trust and confidence in God;
    • For patience with parishioners who have unrealistic expectations;
    • For the minister’s family, that each member would have a positive impression of ministry.

As you pray, be guided and inspired by this wisdom from 19th century minister and author Gardiner Spring:

“Let the thought sink deep into the heart of every church, that their minister will be such a minister as their prayers make him … How perilous is the condition of that minister … whose heart is not encouraged, whose hands are not strengthened, and who is not upheld by the prayers of his people.”

Pastors, tell us your story and send us more tips and resources on this topic. E-mail your information to news@thealabamabaptist.org. We will gather the information to use as resources for future articles.