Your Voice

Singleness a gracious gift from the father, not a cross to bear

By Thomas Smyly
Student at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary

A friend approaches, face glowing with happiness, bearing good news about a new relationship.

Once again, the contradictory feelings of congratulations and self-pity combat within me. The former bears outward expression; the latter, inward concealment. The Christian thing to do is console myself by rehearsing the line, “You just need to wait for the ‘right one.’” But what do I do in the meantime?

The temptation is to walk in the shadow of each possible future spouse, thinking that the path of singleness is a trek through the valley of the shadow of death. Yet could it be this feeling stems from a deep-seated idolatry that interprets singleness as a cross to bear instead of a gracious gift from the Father meant to be leveraged for the glory of God?

How is it that Christians can view singleness in such a negative light? Is it simply a result of friends, family and even fellow churchgoers asking well-intentioned questions concerning possible prospects for dating and marriage? Certainly this does not help, but it is not the full picture.

The desire for a spouse is a good desire. After all, God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen. 2:18). Also, consider the wisdom writer: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Prov. 18:22). And who can forget Paul’s exhortation for husbands to love their wives like Christ loved the Church (see Eph. 5:22–33)? Don’t I need a wife in order to love her like Christ loved the Church?

The scriptural witness points to the goodness of marriage, so it is not difficult to see how a believer who is single might view a season of singleness with negativity and disdain.

How then does Scripture address singleness, and how might one walk faithfully in times of singleness?

One could easily jump to Paul’s exhortation for believers to be like him, specifically in regard to his singleness, because it provides the opportunity for undivided devotion to the Lord Jesus (1 Cor. 7:7, 32–35).

However, Paul is speaking to one’s ability to withstand the assaults of temptation to sexual immorality, so this does not specifically speak to how believers should view singleness. The problem many single Christians face does not lie in avoiding sexual immorality but in finding satisfaction in the Lord Jesus that surpasses the thrill of finding oneself in a relationship. The problem is one of idolatry.

To properly view singleness, one must go to a source that does not directly deal with singleness at all.

Observe the words of Jesus: “If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me” (Luke 9:23). Those who follow the Lord Jesus must submit to His lordship in all things, laying all desires at the feet of Jesus, no matter how good and biblical some of those desires might be.

This means that the believer follows the Lord Jesus like a shadow follows a body, always imitating Him. Though this might sound anticlimactic, it carries with it fullness of joy.

The Lord Jesus would have believers pursuing His glory while He fills their joy (John 15:11; 16:24; 1 John 1:4). Out of this fullness of joy, He would have believers use all gifts, including singleness, for the sake of building His kingdom.

With the freedom of time afforded singles, the Lord Jesus would have them tenaciously make disciples who are able to observe the joy the Lord Jesus alone brings.

In this way, the believer would constantly walk as the shadow of Christ, ready to remain single for the glory of God or ready to pursue a spouse to the glory of God.

Our entire lives, including desires, are to remain under the lordship of Jesus, not under the sway of feelings of loneliness or dissatisfaction.

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Letters to the editor

Your article in the Jan. 16 issue about Bill Faircloth, pastor of Liberty Baptist Church, Thomasville, who preaches barefoot, reminded me of my husband, Randy Johnson, interim pastor of Grove Hill Baptist Church, who also removes his shoes before he gets in the pulpit.

He told me that more than 21 years ago he was studying the story of the prodigal son and was convicted that he was a son. But when he stands behind the pulpit, he is a servant.

The children in that story wore shoes, but the servants did not. So to this day, he removes his shoes to preach.

Janie Johnson
Grove Hill, Ala.

A few of the things I like about TAB Media:

TAB Media shares stories that are inspirational and encouraging.

TAB Media informs on issues impacting our communities, state, country and Christians around the world.

TAB Media tackles the difficult issues without an agenda.

Bill Gilmore
Director of sales, TAB

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Obviously I want to win every game, but I’m glorifying Him every single time I’m out there.

Patrick Mahomes
Kansas City Chiefs’ quarterback

Was the [Super Bowl halftime] performance really a commentary on popular culture? After all, wasn’t it just a show? Does a performance like this really influence how people think? …

One way to answer this is imagining how the show might be seen through the eyes of young girls — like my granddaughters. It would be easy for them to draw these conclusions about what they saw the world celebrating — that’s the kind of women men will watch, that’s the kind of woman I need to be if men are going to notice me and that’s the kind of behavior that will make me popular, particularly with men.

When viewed through the eyes of young girls, unfortunately the message communicated wasn’t so confusing after all. Surely there are better ways to empower young women in all cultures than what we saw on [Super Bowl] Sunday.

Jeff Iorg
President, Gateway Seminary

When I got saved in 2007, God really dealt with me specifically about sharing the gospel with other people. And through the course of reading Scripture, of learning more about it, going out and making mistakes, trying to get better, having some good mentoring, I came in contact with a lot of other people [in Sports Fan Outreach International] who had a similar passion.

Paul Harvey
Capshaw Baptist Church
Madison, Ala.

To fully know agape love is to experience it, to live it, to embody it [as in the parable of the Good Samaritan]. … Agape love knows no bounds or limits. It reflects the fullness of God’s love for humanity, and the often aspirational ways we are invited to love one another.

Rev. Tim Schenck
Hingham, Mass.

As long as we surrender wholeheartedly to the cause of Christ, we will have a future in Kingdom work. It’s not about me or you. It’s not about WMU. It is about taking the gospel to those who have never heard.

Sandy Wisdom-Martin
Executive director, Woman’s Missionary Union

Relationships are imperative in our gospel cooperation together, and I would encourage all Southern Baptists — leaders, pastors and church members — to approach one another in a spirit of gentleness, humility and understanding to work together for the advance of the gospel to every town, every city, every state and every nation.

Ronnie Floyd
President and CEO, SBC Executive Committee

Ministry is a constant juggling to keep the equilibrium of those who are out of spiritual balance one way or the other. The only way to do that is to keep yourself in balance. The only way you can keep yourself in balance is daily being in the Word and hourly [spending time] in prayer.

Pastor Mac Brunson
Valleydale Church
Birmingham, Ala.

Considering the importance and necessity of the new birth, we understand the old adage that holds being born is an eternal calamity unless a person is also born again.

Jerry Batson
Theology 101

We must reaffirm that biblically there is no distinction between embracing God’s grace as a forgiven sinner and following Jesus as the primary shaping influence over our life. Christian and disciple are interchangeable as we read in Acts, “The disciples were called Christians first at Antioch” (Acts 11:26). Therefore, we must recalibrate where we set the bar of discipleship.

Greg Ogden
“Discipleship Essentials: A Guide to Building Your Life in Christ”

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From the Twitterverse

@ThabitiAnyabwil

#MyDreamSuperBowlShow would be hosted in Atlanta and would feature music and singing from old school gospel to Christian hip hop. Voices would be on display, not bodies. Spirits would be lifted, not skirts and shirts. The entire family could watch the entire show.

@lukestamps

The notion that we have nothing to learn from ideas not birthed in the Christian worldview, that our only obligation is to learn about them in order to roundly critique them, is not in keeping with classical Christian thought.

@JennMGreenberg

Until American pop culture values women more for their intellect, creativity and integrity than for sex, the objectification and abuse of women and children will increase, divorce will rise, crime will rise and the family will degrade. This is entropy — a cycle of moral rot.

@jdgreear

“Never confuse leadership with popularity.”
— Winston Churchill (from Andrew Roberts’ excellent biography)

@christomlin

Worship isn’t limited to a church building. We can worship in the car on the way to work, out in nature on a hike or in our kitchens cooking dinner. #WorshipIsAJourney

@micahfries

The left can show little regard for the unborn child. The right can show little regard for the refugee child. Both can show little regard for the dignity and worth of every human life. Christians, we embrace a genuine commitment to life and advocate on behalf of all of the above.

@shadesmtn

Church isn’t only about addressing the physical problems we can see and touch in our lives. First, it’s about admitting our sin and pursuing right relationship with the One who created us.

@DustyMcLemore

Before God allowed Israel into the land flowing with milk and honey, He brought them through the discipline of life in the wilderness!

@alsbom

Pray for revival and renewal. #PrayingAlabama