By Morris Murray Jr.
Special to The Alabama Baptist
Sometimes we find ourselves working through different expectations in life, especially as it relates to the various relationships we encounter through the years. The variety of options might include confused, inadequate or differing expectations. What do each of those mean?
Confused expectations
Since the roles in our society about marriage, pastoring, teaching, etc., are commonly changing, it is often confusing as to what and how we should conduct ourselves.
For example, should women work outside the home?
Should children at school be disciplined?
What authority over children do teachers and principals have?
Should pastors/preachers be knowledgeable in all areas of life, demonstrating excellence or expertise in handling all the cognitive, emotional, social, sexual and spiritual issues with which people struggle on a daily basis?
Is it proper to refer to counselors/therapists who do not hold fast to the theological or church teachings which we ourselves maintain?
How commonly do people struggle with guilt, anxiety, depression, fear, suicidal ideation and a sense of hopelessness and are confused about the best way/ways to respond to these highly charged emotional matters?
In fact, such confusion may create more instability and lead to additional complications in an already complicated life.
Inadequate expectations
Is it possible that people may become so limited in their expectations that they conclude there is no need to even try or look for alternatives in their struggles with life?
People with little hope for what could be better may dissolve into the helpless stance of decision-making paralysis.
Some decide to simply “go with the flow” in whatever direction their inadequate expectations may lead them.
In many families today, for example, there are child-centered homes rather than spouse-centered homes.
It has been consistently discovered for many years that when children are the center of attention in family life, they get terribly disoriented.
It is in the nature of human nature that children seek and find satisfaction and purpose as they see parents who love and prioritize each other.
When this type of relationship does not exist, children grow up with inadequate or faulty expectations about life and their role in it.
It harms them as they eventually form their own families, as well as their responsibilities in jobs, churches, educational arenas and other civic domains.
As someone once put it, “If people know that we expect little of them, they will probably meet our expectations with disappointing accuracy.” Ouch!
Differing expectations
Another common experience in life is having expectations which differ from one another in marriages, churches, employments, community involvement, etc.
This inevitably leads to misunderstandings and conflicts.
For example, what if one person brings to the marriage scenario expectations which are opposite what the other person brings?
What if one spouse expects the other to be emotionally expressive and the other spouse has been raised in an inhibited environment?
What if one spouse wants to save money and the other is a spend thrift?
What if a church expects their newly called pastor to be a replica of their former pastor — either spoken or otherwise?
How often do we examine or process our expectations of others in concrete, specific ways for pinpointed answers?
EDITOR’S NOTE — Morris Murray has experience in pastoral ministry, counseling ministry and theological educational ministries. He lives in Jasper, Alabama, and provides resources for a variety of informational and educational outlets such as The Alabama Baptist.
Then one day I grasped the significance of what Paul meant when he said we are in Christ. The Holy Spirit helped me realize I was a branch intimately and vitally joined to the vine — not just tacked to the vine but actually a part of it. I understood that just as the life of that vine flows naturally into the branch, so the life of Jesus Christ flows naturally into me.
Jerry Bridges
True Community: The Biblical Practice of Koinonia
A local church is a group of Christians who regularly gather in Christ’s name to officially affirm and oversee one another’s membership in Jesus Christ and His Kingdom through gospel preaching and gospel ordinances.
Jonathan Leeman
Church Membership: How the World Knows Who Represents Jesus
If we can’t graciously handle tough but fair questions on our position without attacking the character of the questioner, we might want to rethink our position.
Steve Tillis, pastor
Briarlake Baptist Church
Decatur, Georgia
If the Lord doesn’t build it, you don’t want to run it.
Annie F. Downs
via Instagram
David wrote Psalm 34 in a time of great distress. In verses 19–22 we find three dimensions of suffering.
- Presently, there is the suffering of the saint … and the persecution of divine revelation. See also Psalm 34:6, 17; 2 Timothy 3:11–12.
- Previously, there is the suffering of the servant … and the propitiation of divine redemption. See also John 19:36, Isaiah 52:13–53:12, 1 Corinthians 5:7b, Exodus 12:46, Numbers 9:12 and 1 John 2:2.
- Prospectively, there is the suffering of the sinner … and the punishment of divine retribution. See also Revelation 20:10, 14–15.
David concludes this psalm, “The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned” (Ps. 34:22).
What about your soul? Are you a saint who is one of His servants?
You will never see yourself as a saint until you see yourself as a sinner.
Franklin L. Kirksey
Robertsdale, Alabama
Considering the most influential pastor, whoever that is … (the one working) hard to prop up (all who are leading) in the church:
For you to personally share of your gratefulness for the way they serve goes a long way in not just encouraging them, but it goes a long way in creating … the perception you want for the church and (for that to) be the reality you want in the church.
Brian Croft, Trench Talk
Practical Shepherding
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